Life as MommyMo

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

XX or XY

The whole notion of gender selection in adoption is curious to me. I totally understand where some people are coming from in wanting to choose whether or not they adopt a boy or girl. Many families who adopt have been through tremendous loss and much of the experience has been out of their control... If there's a way to control one small part and you truly dream of having either a son or daughter, why not follow that dream if you can?

For us, that's just not the case. Rob, in particular, feels very strongly about letting God decide who our child is. The way we look at it, we wouldn't select gender if we were pregnant, so we won't this way, either.

I read a post on the Holt board, however, that led to an interesting conversation. If the story posted is true, the social worker in Korea who makes the final decision about matches will "save" a family that already has a boy -- especially if that boy is Korean -- for a girl. I've been told that it has something to do with the notion of balance, an important aspect of Korean culture.

I read this information matter of factly and just said to Rob that I think we have better than 50/50 odds of having a daughter this next time. He was troubled by the notion that it's a social worker, not God, making the decision. We ended the discussion by saying that either way, it's not us, so we just have to trust that the child that is meant to be ours will be matched with us. I reminded him that God helps that social worker make her decisions. He agreed and we switched to a lighter subject -- girl names -- a topic I could discuss for hours on end.

I was in Atlanta yesterday for a meeting, and even though I was down and back in one day, I didn't get to see Sam. I just hate days like that. I did sneak in to his room before I went to bed and gave him a quick kiss and re-tucked him in. We'll make up for the time this weekend when Rob has his Mock Trial competition. Sam and I will get another Saturday to do something ourselves. We miss Daddy, but I love those days, too!


stingray9798 said...

Even though it's the Korean administrator making the decision, don't you think that God is guiding her in that decision?