Life as MommyMo

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Can you hear me now?

I travel for my job. Lately, it's been more than I'd like to admit. I love my job, but it sure would be nice to be able to be in two places at once.

As far as handling lots of travel and a new kid at home, we deal with what we refer to as "our normal." I won't get on a soapbox about it, but I firmly believe that what works for one family may very well not work for another. I also won't lie and say I don't feel pressure from quite a few places/people when it comes to our less-than-conventional schedule, but our normal is working for us. As I've mentioned before, I live on a quest to be a great mommy to Sam. I can honestly say that being happy with my job makes me a better parent.

But, back to the travel. When I first started this new position, we had not really found our family groove yet. Sam's schedule was erratic, at best, and leaving Rob home to figure it out alone literally made me sick to my stomach every time I walked out the door. I had faith, though, that we'd get through it. The hardest part about being gone back then was the assumption that Sam didn't really notice it and didn't know that it was my voice on the phone when I called. He was, however, really excited to see me at the airport when I came home. I will never forget the first time I came home from Dallas. I was so afraid that our attachment would be affected. But, he took one look at me, grabbed me around the neck and just squeezed. He had a huge grin on his face the whole time and just kept patting my back. It didn't hurt that he was holding a sign that said "Mommy... Welcome Home!"

As time went on, Sam seemed to be fairly unaffected by our routine (or lack thereof), but for a brief time, we were concerned that acting out at school could be related to my absence. Luckily, that, too, has passed. His charming love-to-bite-and-push phase seems to be over.

In an odd way, the turning point was something that I was sure was a harbinger of doom. About four weeks ago, I was on my way out the door. Sam took one look at my suitcase and started to cry. There was no denying that he connected that red bag with my leaving. BUT, a beautiful thing happened just after that. When I call home now, he recognizes my voice. He used to say "hi" into the phone -- which I absolutely ate up -- but I knew deep down that he'd say the same thing if Big Bird called.

Now when I call home, he say's "Hi, Mommy! I love you, Mommy. I miss you!" He gets excited to hear my voice and talk to me. In his own little way, he tries to tell me about his day. It's generallly babble, but I know he thinks he's telling me a story.

Reports from the homefront indicate that he's more settled, even when I'm gone. I am now truly confident that "our normal" is a very real thing. Even better is that I know this is all proof of a very solid attachment... an accomplishment to be proud of in the adoption process. He's my son, and he knows I ALWAYS come back.