Life as MommyMo

Monday, May 05, 2008


For the first time in a very long time, I dreamt about Andrew last night. We were at some house, with lots of people we knew, but the two of us were just hanging out and talking. I think at one point we were having a debate about which kind of hairdryer worked best!

I came out of the dream to Sam screaming that he had to use the potty. Thankfully, Rob jumped up to solve the emergency. I didn't want to wake up. It's hard to believe that it's been 12 years since Andrew died. I still think about him every single day, but in a strange way, having a dream about him made him seem so close.

I suppose I'm thinking of him more because the anniversary of his death is getting closer. It's amazing to me that I'm older now than he was when he died. I'm so glad that we named Sam for him and I wonder sometimes what things would be like if he were still here. I am sure he would have found Sam hysterical and that we would still be close friends, but the reality is that if it weren't for AIDS, Andrew would have made his life in Florida. I wouldn't have met him. Even if I had, he probably wouldn't have lived here in New Jersey where we could see each other often.

I suppose there's no point in wondering what might have been... I'm lucky to have known him no matter what the circumstance. I'm convinced that much of how I live my life is because of the lessons I learned from Andrew.

I miss him.