Max's first page

I was literally beginning to obsess over what kit to use for Max's first scrap page. I didn't have this problem with Sam because he was here long before I began to scrap, so there wasn't quite so much (clearly self-induced) pressure. In the end, I went with Melissa's suggestion of Kasia's Love is Blue kit. It's not necessarily a baby kit, but is perfect for a baby boy page.

The reality that we actually have another child on the way is starting to sink in. I bought Max a stocking this weekend as well as his first few Christmas presents. I'm trying to find the balance of wanting to document that we love him and were thinking of him at Christmas even though we can't be together and not making an already intangible situation even harder for Sam to grasp.

Sam is intellectually aware of who Max is, but he seems to be struggling a bit with the whole he's-actually-going-to-live-with-us detail. If we bring it up, he says that "I don't want to talk about that right now." He also still thinks poor Max is just hanging out on a passenger jet somewhere, waiting to come home. In the end, I think that he's just basically struggling to figure out how this all works. If you think about it, it's kind of hard to expect a four-year-old to understand that his brother is a picture on the computer right now and that while everyone is over the moon with excitement, we won't actually get to meet this little person for several more months.

The cool part of Sam being old enough to talk about what's going on is that we can explain to him that everyone felt this way when we found out about him, too. We talk to him about all the calls we made when we were matched with him and how we counted the days until he came home. Even a Sunday School teacher today recalled that Mommy used to walk around carrying a picture of him that ended up in tatters from all the showing off I did. He just smiled when he heard that story.

A few people have asked how I'm going to manage the months between now and when Max can come home. Yes, it's incredibly frustrating and sad to know that our son is with another family, on another continent right now and that only red tape and mountains of paper stand between us. Rather than wallow in what I can't change, though, I'm focusing on really enjoying the time that we still have as a little family of three. I want to savor the last days of being able to give all of my attention to Sam.

Big Oops

I'm realizing this morning my first major mistake in my parenting of little Max. Lots of people have heard me wax poetic about the meanings of the names I give my children. One of my chief criteria for names has been at least part of the name needs to connote the gratitude I feel to God for giving us the opportunity to have such a beautiful family.

Lovely, right?

Well... I've been operating under a very mistaken assumption about Max's name for quite some time. I don't know where I got my faulty info., but I always thought Owen meant "gift of God." That seemed perfect and was the deciding factor for his middle name.

As it turns out, Owen actually means "well-born." He's already Maxwell Owen to me, so his name won't change, but I've been pondering all morning the "new" meaning of this name.

Two thoughts come to mind. We always want our kids to have a special place in their hearts for their birth mothers. It was out of unspeakable love that those women made the choices they did, so it's very appropriate to call Max "well-born." We also want our kids to grow up knowing they are children of God first and foremost, so, again that name still works.

I feel better getting the mistake off my chest. I feel a scrap page about my idiocy and subsequent epiphany coming on, though!

Worth the Wait!

Apparently all the adoption wives' tales about your call coming the minute you think you can't take any more waiting are actually true!

After 66 weeks, we received the referral of Maxwell Owen Tae Min yesterday at 3:47 p.m. Oddly, when the phone finally rang, I didn't jump immediately thinking that this was THE call.

I was at a meeting in Atlanta most of the week, and got special dispensation to keep my phone out and on during the sessions. Someone remarked that it was amusing that every time I talked -- which I tend to do with my hands -- I did it clutching my BlackBerry. In some ways, I didn't want the call to come while I was away from Rob and Sam. In others, I just wanted the call at any time!

Well, when I woke up yesterday morning, I thought to myself (somewhat cynically, I suppose) that I'd probably miss the call while I was in the air flying home. Of course, I checked my voicemail as soon as I landed, and moped off the plane, prepared to wait even until after Christmas for the call.

I was supposed to be taking Sam to a "Santa Jump" at Pump It Up last night, but have a really nasty sinus infection and could barely breathe yesterday. I ended up apologizing profusely, but telling him that we'd go to Toys R Us and pick out a new truck documentary and have a quiet movie night at home last night. It was en route to Toys R Us when my phone rang. I was just about the turn into the parking lot when I heard the phone. I tapped the little button on my Bluetooth, only to realize I'd lost the connection. I contemplated just calling whoever it was once I was parked, but still ended up grabbing the phone thinking it might be Kim. Isn't it amazing how many thoughts can go through my little brain in such a short span of time?!

When I picked up the phone, I also didn't look at the Caller ID... again, weird for me. When I heard the agency director identify herself, I immediately knew that I needed to pull over. I nearly wrecked the van when she agreed that it would be best if I was parked before she told me what she was calling about.

And so it went... We didn't have the experience of an out-of-the-blue call with Sam, and the surprise and joy were everything I imagined they'd be. I managed to keep from crying on the phone, but that could have been because I was taking down notes and actually processing the fact that we were matched with a son. I was really, truly expecting a girl match, though I'd always known we couldn't bet on what the outcome would be.

Korea no longer allows the vast majority of families to request gender, but we impressed upon our social worker at the time that we were not disappointed with that change and that we genuinely didn't have a preference. I had convinced myself in watching the other referrals that it would be a girl, but I really knew I'd be happy with either. I felt like we'd get matched with the child God intended us to have, and that's just what happened.

Sam was in the backseat during the call, of course, and was mildly excited for a few seconds before he realized where we were. Then he only cared about getting into Toys R Us. I felt like it was my first lesson in being a mommy of two. I wanted nothing more than to go home and see the pictures of our son, but Sam would have freaked, so we did our shopping before meeting Rob at home to see the photos.

We'd considered a short list of names for a while, but ended up going with one that, while on the list, probably wasn't the leader for most of the time. When we saw our little guy's face, he just didn't look like some of the other names, but he did look like Max to us. He sort of looks like a sweet, serious, little old man to me and that name just worked. I also like that it goes so well with Sam.

His birth mother did give him his Korean name, so we are absolutely keeping it as part of his name. I searched yesterday evening for a name that meant the same thing as the name she chose, but couldn't find a good American name that means "pretty" or "pretty rock." It's a stretch, but I did read one translation of Maxwell to mean "capable," and since his birthmom wanted him to be "a strong, healthy, happy baby," (a quote that was in his file) we felt like Max still honored that. Owen loosely translates to "gift of God," too, which was important to us.

Sam has adjusted to the news about like I thought he would. He likes to talk about the baby to some degree, and even mentioned that he had a baby in Toys R Us right after the call, but also has moments of not wanting to talk about it and seeming worried.

I've reassured him, after being questioned, that we would certainly love him every bit as much now as we did before Max. I told him that mommies and daddies have special hearts that allow them to grow as much as they need to in order to hold all the love they have for all of their babies.

After hearing that, he was a bit happier about wearing his big brother shirt and was quite chatty with the dentist and his teachers at school about "his baby." He does, however, still seem to think Max is already on a plane. We'll work on that one, or else the next few months will REALLY be long ones.

Keeping my mind occupied

It's too early for the phone to ring, so I'll play this (from Rachel Young's blog.)

GAME RULES:

1. Put your music player on shuffle (ALL MUSIC).
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the game from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK" YOU SAY:
God Speed (Sweet Dreams) -- The Dixie Chicks

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Barricades and Brickwalls -- Kasey Chambers

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
The Good Stuff -- Kenny Chesney

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow -- Soggy Bottom Boys (now this is sad)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Something's Gotta Change -- David Phelps

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Bad Day -- Daniel Powter

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Life is a Church -- David Phelps

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Hollaback Girl -- Gwen Stefani (this made me laugh out loud...for more than one reason!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Feel Like I Do -- Eric Lindell

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
You're My Better Half -- Keith Urban (how apropos!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Flyswatter/Ice Water Blues -- Lyle Lovett (huh?)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I Can Drink the Water (Live) -- Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Home -- Daughtry

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
New Shoes -- Paolo Nutini

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Remedy (I Won't Worry) - Jason Mraz

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I've Got to Be Clean -- Guster (For the Kids) (all of my work friends are cracking up right now... I'm a hotel germophobe!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Whiskey River -- Sheryl Crow

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
My Sanctuary -- Marc Cohn (great song...weird answer)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
On My Feet Again -- Jonny Lang

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Sexuality -- k.d. lang (uh oh)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Thin Line -- Indigo Girls

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
It Hurts Me, Too -- Eric Clapton (this one was bound to work since half my iPod is blues)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Noisy Head -- Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Secret Agent -- the Backyardigans (maybe I have an admirer??)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
I've Fallen in Love With You -- Joss Stone (this one makes me sad, too... Not true!)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Where the Devil Don't Stay -- Drive By Truckers

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
I'm Letting Go -- Francesca Battistelli


Now you try!

No Call Today

Another referral came through today (a little boy born in June) for a homestudy in mid-December. I figure we MUST be in the pile of people they are looking at for the new referrals coming through. It really has got to be any day now.

I've clearly crossed some sort of threshold in terms of my ability to remain calm and patient. I am convinced at this point that I won't be getting a call tomorrow, but rather next week when I'm on an airplane or in a meeting. Everyone in Atlanta knows that I will be keeping my cell phone right next to me and will bolt out for a call that is from a few key area codes. I would REALLY rather be home with Rob and Sam when the call comes, but I'd also rather it be sooner rather than later.... so, that's a long way of saying, I just want the call. I'm no longer picky about the particulars.

It would be kind of interesting to get the news while at the home office. I was a bit of a nudge getting policy changed for our entire organization that ensures adoptive parents can take family medical leave (and use their medical leave pay when doing so.) ACS came through with a really fair, balanced and generous policy. I am told, maybe jokingly, that the HR dept. calls it the "Karen Becker policy" behind closed doors. I just might drag my boss over to that department to say thanks in person if the call comes while I'm there.

I also do think Rob and I have decided on our top two names (one for boy, one for girl.) I'll leave that little bit of suspense hanging in the air until we get the news. Both names carry a variation of the meaning "God is gracious" which is perfect. The boy's name is not quite as decided as the girl's, but I have a feeling that in the end we will make the final call based on meaning. We have had a long road to children in the first place, and the addition of this child will mean our family is complete. No matter how we look at it, we are in agreement that all of the wait and heartache along the way have been because we are being matched with the child God meant for us.

Tagged

I don't think I've ever been tagged on someone else's blog before, but Melissa knows I read her daily Camden and Rory escapades, so she must have known I'd be happy to oblige. :-) And besides, I realize not everyone else is walking around with their phone literally attached to them, waiting for a special call... which I imagine means more news from me about how quiet that phone has been could begin to get boring.

Six Things That Make Me Happy

1. Listening to Sam break into song now that he's memorized a slew of holiday songs for his preschool concert. My favorite is listening to him sing "Hooray for Hanukkah!"

2. The fact that my basement will be completely renovated in time for Christmas morning. Sam will not only have the Geotrax he has his heart set on, but a whole new room of the house in with to play with them!

3. Working downstairs with my laptop so I can simultaneously enjoy CNN and my beautiful Christmas tree.

4. Knowing that I'm married to the kindest, smart and most dedicated guy I know.

5. The number of new photos that I have, waiting to be scrapped, and the notion that I finally have some time off from work to spend scrapping them.

6. Mint truffle Hershey Kisses. Seriously. Try them. And then forget it was me who told you about them when you are looking for someone to blame.

I'm also going to take the liberty of adding here that I'm also grateful that Baby Will and Bob P. are both getting stronger every day.

I'll tag Kim, Shelley, Nancy, Kelli and Kate. If you don't blog, you can use Facebook. Who doesn't love reading about happiness at this time of year?! :-)

List Watch

I just checked the Holt board again to see that FOUR girl matches have been made in the last 24 hours. Two of them were January homestudies; one was a MARCH homestudy; one didn't note a date.

I think I might actually be about to go off the deep end. I really think I am going to lose if we aren't matched soon! I feel like I can't think about anything else!! I know that sounds melodramatic, but I know my fellow adoptive moms/dads know what I mean. The long months of uncertainty are mentally exhausting to me and I'm getting so sad at the thought that, while my baby is born, I don't know who he/she is and might not even have that information by Christmas. It's sad enough that we won't be together over the holidays, but not even having information and a confirmed match is really depressing to me.

Oddly enough, the glimmer of hope in all of this is that I've often heard adoptive families say that as soon as they feel like they can't wait any longer... the call comes.

I sure hope that's true. I'm ready.

Movement!

I just checked the Holt board and saw that someone from our agency received their referral yesterday (for a baby girl) whose homestudy was sent to Korea on the same date as ours!!! There appear to be a few people with older homestudies that still aren't matched (for those not familiar with the process, it's not completely chronological) but my stomach did a huge flip when I saw 1/25/08 next to the name on the list! That REALLY means we could we any time now.

We're having dinner with Kim and Ted tonight to celebrate Kim's birthday. I just know that getting a call today would be a PERFECT thing to talk about over dinner. (And don't worry, Kim... If I get a call, I won't leave you hanging until you get here!)

Fun Scrap News

I've always thought it would be fun to need to scrap an "out for publication" page. I finally got to do it this week! I'm pretty sure Lauren helped things along for me, but I got a sweet note from Digital Artist Magazine that they want to publish a layout of mine called "Adored" in their January issue. That particular month's magazine will focus on love layouts, and the page of mine that they liked is one of my all-time favorites. It's a great, sweet photo of Sam, and it just has a simple bit of journaling about how much his Daddy and I love him.

In other news, my adored child apparently has some sort of radar for when Mommy has a day off from work. I've been *trying* to get things like Christmas shopping, cleaning and preparation for the construction starting next week and generally time to NOT think about work fit into my schedule for a while now. I had three days off before Thanksgiving. Sam had pink eye for two of them.

No biggie. I'll just take the next two Fridays off (I have lots of vacation time to squeeze in before the end of the year) and see what I can get done. Well... The precious little man arrived home from school today feeling kind of warm and sporting a voice that sounded like he'd smoked a pack of cigarettes on the ride home. I can hear him on the monitor now, hacking in his sleep. I feel awful for him, but I must admit I also feel a wee bit bad for myself. I was READY for a day off. We also had planned to go out for dinner with Kim tomorrow night while the boys played at "Saving Grace" night at church.

As it looks now, I'll be quarantined at home yet again. The silver lining, however, is that if tonight is any indication, Sam's not going to be that active tomorrow. He'll want to snuggle on the couch for most of the day... That's certainly not a bad way to spend a day (so long as I don't end up with bronchitis next week!)

A Major Milestone

See the snazzy haircut on that kid? Rob and I did that ourselves!

Many people know that nothing -- no monster, no ghost, nothing -- instills fear in our child quite like the idea of a haircut.

We've tried every trick we can think of and have even used outright bribery. The best we get is a decent haircut but severely damaged eardrums. Sam screams bloody murder every single time we come even close to Kids Kuts. There's a nice woman there who has come to endure his screams because she knows she's nicely rewarded in the end. You have to tip well when you child occasionally pukes on the person wielding the clippers, after all.

Well, Rob got new clippers for his birthday. We invested in fancy ones now that I'm his main stylist. Sam saw that they're not quite as loud as our old pair, and he decided to brave a home cut. I'm not going to lie. There was whining involved, but no tears and certainly no vomit.

All things considered, I think we did a decent job. Rob is more precise than I am (perhaps because I was the one in front of Sam and would have been the one wearing what was left in his stomach had he freaked out) and went kind of slow, but we got the job done.

I'm partial to little boys with nice, neat haircuts so I hope this is the start of a whole new hair world in our house. It would be so nice to just give a quick trim to both Sam and Rob every ten days or so and know the days of screaming, drooling, trembling and puking salon visits are officially behind us.

Answered Prayers

We have had a picture of this (now) young lady hanging on our refrigerator for nearly three years now. Her name is Rogette and she had been living in Holt's Fontana Village in Haiti awaiting adoption for quite a few years already when we encountered her story for the first time.

I was immediately drawn to her face. We knew that we were not the right permanent family for her. She had been placed by her own family at a fairly advanced age because they did not have the resources to care for her. I knew that a girl nearing her teen years and having been in an orphanage (no matter how well cared for there) for some time needed a mother, in particular, who could be around much more than I can. I first saw her picture and story not long after I started my current position and realized that a travel schedule like mine would not be a good fit for her. It was also not long after Sam's adoption, and we had not completely finished his transition yet.

So, we began to sponsor her through Holt. On several occasions, we were able to send small gifts and notes to her. I prayed for her daily and have kept her picture in our kitchen all this time. I had heard not long ago via a letter from Holt that a family was interested in adopting her, but it wasn't until an email this week that I had confirmation that she has indeed come home to her forever family in the United States. The latest blog entry says she's doing well and has really settled in there. I get teary just thinking about it. I hope she knows that there must be many families like ours who have prayed for her and are overjoyed to see that she now has a home to call her own.

Early Christmas

Christmas came a bit early to our house this year. After vacillating for years, we finally got Rob a new laptop for work. He's been using the Social Studies office computer for about seven years now, and nearly every other teacher in his department has caved and purchased a laptop on their own.

We went ahead and got the computer early for him because he has a huge project coming up for Pearl Harbor Day for which he could really use the laptop. He also has a new SmartBoard in his classroom, so he's made a huge leap into the 21st century.

I not-so-secretly despise it when there's not an element of surprise on Christmas morning. I love shopping in secret, hiding the gifts at home and then watching Rob open them up. I feel like there's not much surprise left in life and gift giving is one place in which you can still manage just a bit of it. Oh, well. He's totally happy, and that's all that matters. I'll try to be creative and find a few small things for him to unwrap that don't damage the budget too badly. That concept is pretty much toast anyway, as we'd originally said we'd try to stick to $100 each for gifts. I'm pretty sure the adapter alone for his new Macbook cost that.

Sam had a totally busy day yesterday and is paying for it today. He had a play date in the morning, followed by two birthday parties. He left the house at 10 a.m. and we didn't get home until after 6:30 last night. Today, the hint of a cold he started with is a full-fledged infection. He sounds like he has socks stuffed in his nostrils and every cough makes *me* wince. I kept him home from Sunday School so that he doesn't infect every other kid before Thanksgiving. I'm hoping that a true day of rest will make him feel better, too.

I'm also hoping he's feeling well enough to go to school tomorrow, since I'm on vacation and planning to spend the days before the holiday in the basement, transforming it into a playroom for him. He's only seen the basement in our house a handful of times, so he does not suspect anything as we work down there. He's absolutely dying for a Geotrax train set for Christmas. We're trying to get the basement playroom ready so that after he opens some new Geotrax on Christmas morning, we can take him downstairs and show him the whole new room he has to play in. We also bought a huge starter set of the trains on Ebay (sorry, Kim!) and are going to have those already set up for him when he goes down there.

I apologize again to Kim for even mentioning our delight over finding this great Geotrax deal out loud. As it turns out, the furious bidding war we had in the final moments of this particular auction were against HER. Of all the people anywhere in the world who could have been bidding on that particular set on that particular day, it was Kim and I fighting it out till the finish. The silver lining is that Ethan, too, will benefit. He's one of Sam's favorite playmates and will have lots of time to play downstairs with the new trains. He'd have even more time if Kim and Ted bid on a house in our neighborhood. ;-)

Single Digits

We are now officially in the top ten on the UNofficial Holt "Waiting for Referral" list! I just peeked in and saw that we are #9 on the list that tracks everyone, regardless of requests for gender. We are #7 on the list of families waiting for either gender or a boy.

This is all very technical and probably boring to anyone not obsessing about our match date... which I admit is nearly everyone else in the world. However, it's very exciting for us. I not-so-secretly hope that we'll be matched with a baby before Christmas.

We typically decorate our Christmas tree with an ornament that somehow represents the "biggest" thing that happened to us that year. (This is a completely stolen idea from my sister-in-law's sister... but she's more creative than me and actually MAKES the ornaments. I'm nowhere near that talented and just buy a close facsimile of and object representing the event we are trying to commemorate.)

This year's ornament, we've decided, needs to be a clock to remind us of all of the waiting we've done. We've waited for a baby. We've waited for our new kitchen. You get the idea. So... you'd think a clock ornament would be easy to find. Not so much. Any ideas?? Maybe I can drag my feet a bit longer and have a new baby ornament to add to the tree instead!

Peppermint Mocha

Here's the latest installment in our caffeinated child drama. It's still working and we now have a bona fide coffee connoisseur on our hands. He asks what selection of coffee creamers we have for him every morning. He's tried quite a few and has decided that he's a peppermint mocha kind of kid.

This morning, he woke up (quite early, I might add) with some serious sniffles. He asked for milk with his breakfast, but I was leery of giving it to him since I was afraid it would aggravate his asthma if he really is getting sick. I gave him water instead. He told me that water is too boring for breakfast and demanded to know when the coffee would be ready. I replied that it had just finished and asked if he wanted some peppermint mocha. He looked at me with a completely deadpan expression and said, "Of course I do."

Sarcasm and caffeine. Is that the chicken-and-egg scenario we've created for ourselves? Which came first?! Honestly, given both of his parents' brand of "humor" I'm guessing the sarcasm would have reared its head at some point regardless of when he started drinking coffee.

It's just Sam and I for a couple of days at home... Rob is in upstate New York for the Division's Relay For Life leadership summit. It's so weird to be the one at home holding down the fort while he's at Relay meetings! I'm excited to hear how things are going. He's been working his rear end off for months now to launch a very cool program called Heroes of Hope. He gets to introduce 20+ survivor Heroes this weekend and he's totally psyched about it. The committee also chose him as an honorary Hero and he was just beaming when a spiffy embroidered shirt showed up in the mail for him saying so. If I haven't mentioned it lately, I'm quite proud of him. I'm not sure Sam could have ended up with a better specimen of a human being for a father.

Because Rob is out of town, I'm off to the dentist with Sam alone this morning. So far, Sam's taken to having his teeth cleaned far better than say, getting his hair cut. Hopefully this will be an routine appointment for which I will not regret having tackled alone.

The highlight of my day will actually be getting to spend some time in Sam's classroom after the appointment. It's my turn to read to his class. He chose, to my delight, Is There Really A Human Race by Jamie Lee Curtis for me to read. My sister-in-law and her family gave this book to Sam at least a year ago, and it has been read almost nightly ever since. If you have kids and don't have this book, you're missing out. We also love I'm Going To Like Me (also by Ms. Curtis) if you're looking for additional recommendations!

I should sign off and go print the Gap Old Navy Friends and Family discount coupon that the lovely Melissa sent to me last night. Sam has experienced his annual growth spurt in the last few weeks. All of the 3T pants we own are now showing a bit too much ankle for my taste. I'm pretty sure that if I don't go replace his jeans, he'll be wearing capris by Thanksgiving. Since every inch he gains in height is never matched a single inch around the waist, I'm not looking forward to finding 4T pants that will actually stay on his body.

Quotas

So it turns out that I have been unnecessarily worried about not getting matched with our child this year because of quotas. I caved and asked (ready for the bad news if it was real) on the Holt message board today. I figured someone there would know if we were running into quota time this year.

Because we didn't have this wait for referral when adopting Sam, some of the details about the process get jumbled in my pea brain. The proverbial quota I've been fearing for so long only affects travel once you are matched, not being matched in and of itself.

That actually makes sense, because the government in Korea is ultimately controlling how many children actually leave the country each year. Any matches being made now will definitely not travel until next year, so... we could seriously be matched by Christmas.

I am aware that might be wishful thinking, but I'm still getting my hopes up. I would just love to know at this point if we have a boy or a girl (and a picture would be nice.) I can occupy myself over the holidays by decorating his or her room and getting Sam prepared for the new arrival. It's all so esoteric until you have *something* and I feel like we've been in that limbo for way too long.

That's my good news for the day. Back to my regularly scheduled programming, otherwise known as torturing my husband over baby names. For those of you watching from home, we are about 99% decided on a boy's name now. That probably means we'll be matched with a girl and not have the poor child named until she's almost here.

Movin' on up...

I checked the Holt referral list today and we're #9 on the list of families waiting for either gender child. SINGLE DIGITS!! I'm reinspired to believe that we WILL have a new baby. It's so easy to get frustrated and start to feel like it's never going to happen...

It is really starting to feel like so much is changing all at once, which is JUST what happened when Sam came home. We have a new president (whom we are hopeful will bring about true grassroots mobilization for the first time in our generation's lives,) our home is changing for the better (demolition should begin soon,) we are about to start switching Sam to his new "big boy" room AND, there is light at the end of the waiting-for-a-referral tunnel!

I've had lots of phone calls today asking me how I'm feeling on this "day after." Unfortunately, I got what I think is food poisoning just after Obama delivered his victory speech last night. Needless to say, I have not enjoyed this day as much as I'd hoped I could.

I will say, however, that I was proud to the point of tears last night. As the parent of a child who will face racism on some level throughout his life, I am simply giddy at the notion that perhaps those barriers are finally crumbling. It's so easy as a Caucasian American to overlook how insidious the problem can be. I truly believe that times are changing as a direct result of the election of Barack Obama.

I have also told quite a few people when asked that I firmly believe that no one person can bring about the change we need. I know lots of people believe all politicians are shady characters on some level. That may be true, but just complaining about it and accepting that as fact will never change things. I want to believe that we may have a new leader who is uniquely gifted in his ability to stir the souls of many, many Americans. If that is true, and if that continues and we don't become complacent (expecting Obama to single-handedly fix some huge problems) I believe that we can actually see real change.

Call me Pollyanna. Call me glass-half-full. Call me naive. No matter what you call me, though, show me a different solution other than people getting involved, because I just can't see one.

My voice was heard

For a complete news and political junkie like me, today is like the Superbowl and the World Series played at Disneyland all at once. I know plenty of people who are sick of all the political talk (I'm specifically tired of the ads) but I still have plenty of enthusiasm about today.

We got up at 5 a.m. and left the house just after 6 a.m. to vote. We are enthusiastic, yes, but the move was more about self-preservation. Sam really wanted to vote with me and since I recall my mom taking me to the polls (wait, maybe that's what caused all of this *gestures to self like Vanna White*) I wanted to be sure to go at a time that he could come into the booth with me. I had a feeling lines could be long, and no matter how much I want to instill pride in doing your civic duty in my son, I am not prepared to stand in line for hours with him. Remember all the talk about him needing caffeine?!

Sam popped out of bed around 5:45 this morning, ready to put on a blue shirt "because I'm on the blue team, Mommy!"

We snapped a couple of pictures for posterity (and the adorable voter scrap kit burning a hole in my external hard drive) and caravanned over to Thomas Paine Elementary. Now... we vote in nearly every election including all the little local ones a lot of people don't bother with. It's usually a bit like visiting the library: the halls are quiet, people talk in hushed tones and you do what you came to do and get out.

Today was a different story. At 6:12 a.m., it wasn't easy to find a place to park at our polling location. Sam and I parked around the side of the school and got to say good morning to all of the people streaming out ahead of us. The coolest part was that they were all grinning these huge grins. Imagine that! People were totally happy about voting. I can safely say I have never noticed that particular phenomenon before.

Rob ran into an older African-American woman leaving the gymnasium in which we vote. She paused by the "polling center" sign and snapped a quick picture because she was making history today. It's hard not to feel proud about something like that. No matter who you're voting for today, we will make history and that's a very cool thing.

Happy Halloween!

I have lots of other photos of Sam to upload and edit... The best part of today so far has been that he actually ENJOYED Halloween for the first time. He usually cries and feels self-conscious. This year, he couldn't wait to wear his costume and go to parties.

The downside so far... He arrived home from trick-or-treating at 7ish. I asked why they were home so early and found out from Daddy that he literally laid down on the sidewalk, put his head down and said to Rob he was "too tired to stay out. I need to go home." I have a feeling he'll sleep well tonight! Well, once the sugar wears off.

Soon?

My heart just did a little leap. I have stayed away from the Holt message boards far more during this wait than I did while we were in process for Sam. I came to realize that it was stressing me out to no end to obsess every single day over how long the process takes... It's a good thing I did make this decision for my sanity this time, seeing as the wait is taking FOREVER.

Well... I just peeked in and checked the very non-official list for referral and see that we are number 11 for a match with either/boy (meaning those people waiting who have not specified a gender preference for their referral.)

I think I might start dancing when we make it to the top 10. All of a sudden, I'm feeling much more hopeful that this will eventually happen! I have been feeling so frustrated and anxious. Maybe now I can start focusing on the fun stuff again. Like the kid needs a room! I don't want to start decorating for real until I know if we're matched with a boy or a girl, but part of getting started is getting Sam moved to his new "big boy" room, so I need to really get on that. Once my dad's visit it over, I guess I will get going!

Only in my house...

Yesterday was a perfect fall day. The air was crisp and cool and the sky was beautiful. We decided to finish the weekend by hanging out in our PJs and lighting a fire.

Well... We haven't ordered firewood for this year yet, so Rob ran into the store to grab a small bundle. A couple of hours later, he got a nice fire going. It didn't take long for my eyes to get all red, itchy and swollen and for me to start coughing. I left the living room to join him in the kitchen to get out of the room with the fire in case it was the smoke making me a little uncomfortable. I figured that once the fire settled in, I'd be fine.

When I got to the kitchen, Rob glanced over at the fire and said... "Wow. Birch wood really makes a nice fire, doesn't it?"

I replied, "You bought birch wood to burn inside our house?"

To most normal people this would seem like an insanely picky thing for me to care about, let alone mention to my dear husband.

EXCEPT, birch is the common element in all of the things, like peaches, etc., that I am ridiculously allergic to. If you don't know this very strange quirk about me, I'm so allergic that my friend Kim can't even use her usual apricot soap in the shower on a day she's going to see me or I can't sit next to hear without getting all clogged up. Weird.

I was certain my coughing after our conversation was psychosomatic at first, but I ended up without a voice and gasping for air shortly thereafter, and albuterol seemed to reverse the problem, so I realized it actually was the birch.

Seriously. If that doesn't define high maintenance, I don't know what does. This morning I feel like I swallowed glass from all of the coughing yesterday. I have a feeling Rob will be burning Duraflame logs for at least a couple of weeks now. The poor guy is traumatized.

On a lighter note, I'm lifting this from Kim's blog because it made me laugh out loud.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)Greta Sienna

2. YOUR ROCK STAR TOUR'S NAME: ("The"+Your favorite hobby/craft, fave weather element +tour) The scrapping thunder tour... this makes me sound like a wrestler, I think.

3. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave icecream flavor, favorite cookie) Moose Tracks Toll House...not so tough, really.

4. YOUR "FLY" GIRL NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)KBec... sadly, lots of people actually call me this.

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)Green Wolf

6. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Christine Lenexa...totally works.

7. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name , first 2 letters of your first)Becka ... almost a real name, so not so funny.

8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The"+2nd favorite color, favorite drink) The Purple Gimlet...heehee

9. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers) Francis Allen... Again. Funny.

10. NAME YOUR SPOUSE CALLS YOU: (the name of your favorite perfume, favorite candy)Gucci Baby Ruth... He'd better not try this one.

11. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's & father's middle names) Ann Allen... perfectly anonymous, really.

12. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter) Mallin Miami... This is why I chose PRINT journalism.

13. SPY NAME:(your favorite season/holiday, flower) Autumn Hydrangea... kinda lame and not a very easy name to hide with.

14. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you're wearing right now+ "ie" or "y")Apple Hoodie... I can hear Sam calling me this now.

15. HIPPY NAME: (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree) Granola Cypress ... perfect for a hippie.