I'm feeling better

I'm doing a bit better in the last 24 hours than I had been in the week or so before that. I'm still grumpy that my baby should be here and isn't, but I've been reminded in a few meaningful ways that I need to focus on the here and now and not let myself get completely bent out of shape over things I can't control. Have you ever met me? That's a big issue for me.

Thanks to smart friends with wise words, an appropriately timed Scripture passage and a husband who is emotionally stronger than I am, I'm actually doing a decent job of staying calm. I had a day or two of crying at the drop of a hat out of frustration, but I'm in a better place now. And it doesn't even involve adult beverages like I thought it might.

Rob said to me that he was intrigued by how differently we are handling these last few days of the wait. Whereas I get frustrated every time I see empty baby gear that sits waiting for Max, Rob says he gets excited. He even walked out of Max's room the other day after we'd stocked diapers and baby powder in there and said very happily, "Guess what?! It already smells like baby in there!"

It may have been that one small moment that brought things back into focus for me. I intellectually knew what I needed to do, but watching my husband be such a sweet Daddy reminded me that I'm not doing this alone, there is another perspective that I can choose to take and that we can focus on enjoying the time that we have right now. We'll both be giddy the minute the phone finally rings, but for now, we can enjoy Sam and little things like finally liking the same people on a season of American Idol. (I think we broke serious ground when we finally agreed on a political candidate... The carryover effect is quite nice.)

Sam's teacher told us the other day that he is talking all day long every day about his brother's arrival. He's able to find a reference to Max in everything they do. It's generally along the lines of "I'm going to teach my baby brother about this when he gets here." I hope that sticks when Baby Brother is actually here, touching his new toys and getting more lap time than Sam does.

Rob and I have had quite a few conversations lately about the memory that our little guy seems to have. I should do more reading so I know for sure, but I have been stopped in my tracks quite a few times lately when Sam will pull out a very detailed account of an event that happened as long as three years ago. I did not think children had memories of much other than really big things that far back, but Sam sure as heck does. For instance, he remembers small details about a trip we took to Canada when he was just two years old. He can also literally fall asleep in the car and wake up, know where we are, and give us directions home. It's baffling to me how he does it. It's even earned him the nickname GPS.

It will be interesting to see how his little brain works once he's in kindergarten next year. We got the receipt for his after school program yesterday, which for some reason, made his enrollment seem so official. I think he's going to really love going to a new school and meeting new people. I hope his brother develops Sam's same sense of adventure and sociability.