A Drink on Me

The Recipe For Karen

3 parts Wit 2 parts Inspiration 1 part Whimsy Splash of Warmth Finish off with an olive

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

I'm stuck in a hotel in Nashville after two long days of meetings. It's always refreshing to get to spend talk just talking (this was actually interviewing) field staff and volunteers across the country about our favorite subject -- Relay For Life -- but 10 solid hours of questioning does get a bit exhausting.

I'm in the lovely airport Marriott, just trying to relax before getting up at 4:30 a.m. for another early morning flight... The little Blogthing above seemed funny to me in my current state, so I'm sharing it with you. :-)

It might be advisable for me to have a drink or two, actually, before embarking on another airline journey. I left my house at 3 p.m. on Thursday to pick Sam up and get to the airport in time for a 5:30 flight. All seemed to be going swimmingly for a while. Our inbound flight was about 15 min. delayed, but no biggie. USAirways books in extra time, so I figured I'd still reach Nashville in time to order some dinner in my hotel room and get some writing done before going to bed.

Well... I boarded my plane around 5:50 p.m. We took off around 6:20. I did a little work and read Newsweek during the one hour and 20 min. jaunt to Tennessee. I hear the captain get on the intercom to very pleasantly let us know that we were making our initial descent, "but unfortunately, folks, it's NOT into Nashville."

Huh??

As it turns out, our plane was having a wee issue with the anti-skid braking mechanism, and the runway we were supposed to use in Nashville was closed. The only remaining runway was too short for our plane to land, so we were going to have to go to Louisville, KY and wait to be told what would happen next.

Ok. We go to Louisville. We sit for about 20 min. without being let off the plane when we're then told that there is not a plane for us in Louisville, but because of the Ryder Cup, there is also not a bus to take us to Nashville, nor any cars to rent, nor any hotel rooms in the city. So..... I start to think we're going to spend the night sleeping on the plane. Visions of those people who have reportedly sat for 15 hours on board planes without being let off begin to pass through my mind.

The intercom crackles again. "Well, folks... We've located a plane for all of you. It's in Cincinnati."

Back into the air we go. I seem to be perhaps the only person a bit concerned, not that we're being diverted for the second time, but that we continue to travel in a plane with a less than reliable braking system. The flying part is fine, but I'm pretty partial to planes that can also stop once they're back on the ground.

Well.. We get to Cincinnati and realize we are swapping planes with a bunch of people headed to Philly. Turns out those poor people were getting to ride the crappy plane because the runways in Philly are long enough that the plane would eventually coast to a stop (I'm guessing) and then they could take the plane out of service. I have no idea if those people originally knew the cause for their delay, but the airline held us in the same area as them before we reboarded, so if they didn't know before that, they did after they heard from a bunch of ticked off passengers that were five hours in to a supposed 100 min. flight.

In all honestly, I actually was quite calm through all of this. I was nervous about that whole no brakes thing, but I actually think the nice little pills I'd been taking to keep from being dizzy for my ears have weird, unlisted anti-anxiety properties, because I really did just go where they told me to go.

The end of my long saga is that I did get to Nashville around 11:45 ET that night. All things considered, I am impressed I actually got there that night. Turns out I landed within two minutes of my boss' final flight from California, so we had a VERY late dinner and then left the hotel fewer than five hours later to drive to Bowling Green, Kentucky to interview field staff about staffing successful Relays.

What a trip! So... I will not drink to calm my nerves tonight, but I will pray that I get home in time to spend some time with Sam tomorrow. Assuming I actually get home at the expected time, we plan to go apple picking. I'm looking forward to some straightforward fun!

Fonts Make Me Happy

I've been a total font geek for as long as I can remember. Back in college, while taking newspaper layout and design classes, I would spend forever searching for just the perfect typeface when creating a new look for a newspaper. Imagine my delight when I realized that digital scrapbooking could provide me an actual REASON to download hundreds of fonts to my computer.

Like any good addict, I've moved beyond what I can find on free font sites. I tend to like to use beautiful fonts that are not totally common. I even get a little twitch when I see marketing materials created with Times New Roman.

All of this explains why I was giddy with excitement to find out I'd been accepted to Fontologie's Creative Team. It just so happens that I'd received a nice big box full of printed pages two days before I saw the call for Fontologie's team. I noticed that I've used a couple of her fonts, in particular, on a large percentage of every page I've created since purchasing them. The moment I noticed the call posted to her blog, I *ran* (as much as you can do that online... but you know what I mean. My clicker hand couldn't find the link to my yahoo email account fast enough.) off to send her a message.

And that's the happy news with which I'm starting this day!

In other news... I've spent the early part of this week at various doctors' offices. I have a teeny bit of ear pain that was joined by a not-so-teeny amount of dizziness on Saturday. Ever since, I've been feeling as though I'm on a cruise, but without the maid service and free drinks. The lovely nurse practitioner at my doctor's office determined that I have a garden variety case of fall allergies that are causing enough swelling in my sinuses to put pressure on my inner ear. Nothing too exciting, but the dizziness is getting really old. I've been taking a handy little pill that all but makes the dizziness disappear, but I learned yesterday that no amount of caffeine can counterbalance the drowsiness that comes with those pills. So today, I will just do my best to sit still so that I can write without pharmaceutical assistance.

Sam had his (tardy, I realize) four-year-old well visit yesterday. He gained three pounds and grew three inches in the last year, which leaves him at the exact same spot on the growth trajectory that he was last year. He's in the 10th percentile for height and 25th percentile for weight, just like his mommy. I kid.

Overall, he's a very healthy little guy. He took three injections of various vaccines like a *complete* trooper. At 34, I think I would have acted out more than he did! The doctor did acknowledge that his resistance to direction (like that euphemism for stubborn and hyper?) is probably something that we should start to address directly so as not to affect learning going forward. He does not have any actual delays in skills, but he simply does not want to practice things like writing and coloring unless he decides he's ready. He even told Ms. Elaine that he didn't need to practice his letters because "I'll do that when I get to kindergarten."

I'm going to call the district again this week and see if they can do an observation of him. I'm more confident than I was six months ago that most of this is seated in his need for control, which the doctor and our social workers have agreed is related to attachment. When you lose so much at a young age, the psychological need for control can be stronger than it might be for another child. That's all to say that I'm pretty sure getting some advice on how to work with him will help quite a bit.

The eating part of our day continues to be just hideous, in my estimation. I'm not going to lie. If I could afford to have someone come to my house for the sole purpose of feeding my child, I would hand them my wallet and go eat my own dinner free from whining and abject disobedience. Again, I kid. Well, maybe not. The not-so-good-for-mommy news was that the complete refusal to eat any kind of real food may continue for another YEAR or, dare I say it, even TWO YEARS.

I want to believe that sibling rivalry could convince Sam to try something other than chicken nuggets and pasta, but I probably should not hold my breath.

Things I Love

I love these lists for some reason, so it seemed appropriate to steal the Things You Love list from Kim's blog.

THINGS YOU LOVE
Song you love: Amazing Grace
Word you love: family
Academic subject you love: Spanish
Hobby you love: Digiscrapping
Type of baked good you love: cookies
Type of sky you love: cloudy (weird, I know)
Beverage you love: coffee
Vacation you love: Colorado
Restaurant you love: Tortilla Press
Way of getting around that you love: weird question... car, I suppose
Person you love: Rob and Sam
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love: once it's done, my kitchen
Movie you love: Breakfast at Tiffany's
Book you love: Pillars of the Earth
City you love: Dublin and Chicago
Future plan you love: New baby!
Form of communication you love: Facebook
Junk food you love: ice cream

Along with School...

...come germs. We typically have disease-free summers in our house, thank goodness. Rob and Sam both then find a way to snag a few germs once back at their respective schools and have yucky, nasty colds sometime in late September. Lucky me, I get it last, but usually even worse than they do.

Well, it took Sam all of two full days in school to develop his first bug. Rob did say that on the very first morning, Sam lined up to go to the breakfast room right next to a kid that had what we grossly refer to as "snot slugs" coming out of his nose. Yuck. Why people send their kids to daycare with actual green sludge leaking from their bodies is beyond me. I suppose I should not take for granted that we have an easier time managing sick days with our jobs than many people do.

In any case, we had to miss dinner with Brad, Cristin and Shane last night and I'm sadly still on the fence about another birthday party this morning. I think Sam could handle it, but I have such a hard time deciding when to keep him away from other kids -- especially for stuff that's "optional." I have a feeling we'll go so as not to disappoint Sam or the birthday girl, and I will spend hours running around behind Sam with wipes.

I wouldn't be as worried if Hurricane Hanna weren't headed here any time now. I am quite sure the party will be inside, which means more kids will be in range of Sam's sneezes!

I just asked Sam how he was feeling. He said, "I'm a whole lot great and just a little bit sick." At least he's not whining!

First Day of School

Today was Sam's first day back at school for true Pre-K. We were admittedly a little nervous because we felt like last year's teacher had sort of labeled Sam as a difficult kid. We just didn't know what today would bring with a new teacher and a drop kick back into a strict routine.

We started the day with having to open the door to Sam's room around 6:40 to *gently* wake him up. Somewhat like Eeyore (as Nonni would say) he rolled over and groaned that he did not want to go to school. I reminded him that all of his friends would be there and that there would be a whole room full of new toys at his disposal.

He countered with, "Mommy... are you going to drop me off?" (He knows that when I take him, he goes in later, which he likes. Daddy has to rush more than I do in the morning.)

When I assured him that today was special and that both Rob and I would be accompanying him down the long hall to the Eagles' room, he scrunched up his brow and asked if I could also be there to pick him up.

I told him that was the plan, and he bounded out of bed like he had springs in his tushie. He cheered, "All right then! I'm READY to go! Let's get going to school, Mommy!"

I could not have asked for a better start. He was a bit too excited for breakfast at home, but did pose for the requisite photos (which are not uploaded because the camera battery was near-death before I got it plugged in) and happily crawled up into his carseat, ready for school.

Being the experienced Sam parents that we are, we figured the proverbial other shoe was about to drop. I estimated that moment would occur right as Rob HAD to leave in order not to be late on his first day.

To my delight and surprise, he bounced down the hall, happily greeted the new teacher and barely looked back at us when he saw who was in the nursery already. He waved at us and kept on chattering to Adam.

Rob was a wee bit nervous that the new teacher already acknowledged that she knew him to be a child that "needs incentives" to behave. I said it was because she has dealt with him in the breakfast room for years. Well... we both waited to see who was right when we picked him up today.

As we arrived, Miss RuthAnne said very clearly and definitively "Sam. Was...." that was all we needed to hear before glancing sidelong at one another and bracing for a bad report.

Oh we of little faith. She finished with "WONDERFUL TODAY!" The caps are not mine. She said it with THAT MUCH enthusiasm. Seriously. I wanted to skip out of there. They still nap in the Eagles room, but those children who do not sleep are expected to sit quietly and read or rest for at least an hour. Well... My brilliant child sat on his mat without moving or needing to be coddled (which he is a big fan of and asked for daily in the Owls' room last year) for almost TWO hours without a single syllable or incident.

I. could. not. believe. it. I'm not sure Sam has ever been awake AND quiet for two hours. Ever.

Even though this is getting long, I have to recount another new nightly event in our house. Sam is well aware at this point in his young life that he is adopted and came home to his forever family on an airplane from Korea. He has asked lots of questions about which type of plane our new baby will come home on. He even asks if we will drive over the Ben Franklin Bridge when we go to meet her or him... You get the idea. He asks for specifics.

Well, I described exactly what we would do the day/night the new baby comes home. It occurred to Sam that the same scenario played out the night he flew home. So, he asks us every single night now to re-enact his homecoming. He pretends to be on a plane. He announces when he's at the gate. We excitedly wait for him to come off the plane. He crawls and goos like a baby, jumps into Mommy's arms. We exclaim how thrilled we are to finally meet him. We pretend to take pictures. We discuss who else is there to meet him. I give him a fake bottle to calm his crying, and he then moves on to Daddy who rocks him to sleep in about 15 seconds.

I wonder how long this evening routine will last? It makes no difference to me. It's finally sinking in that he has a story of the day he became part of our family and I think it's good for him to be able to imagine what it was like.

The most amusing part of tonight's little play was that I asked who he was on the plane with. We've explained in the past that he lived with his foster mom, Mrs. Lee, in Korea and that a nice lady named Mrs. Kim let him sit on her lap on the way home. Well, he told me tonight that Aunt Kim is always on the plane with him! I think it's adorable that he thinks she was the one to take care of him and make sure he got home safely!

Staycation

We've had a pretty uneventful few weeks, but today marks the first "real" day of our vacation... Sadly, we couldn't make it happen until the last week of summer, so the time is kind of bittersweet. In some ways, I'm finding staying home for vacation more relaxing than I thought it might be. It's nice to just have a long stretch of days to unwind. Being home, though, also means there are still chores to do and the phone continues to ring. We like it when it rings with friends and family wanting to spend time together, but the yucky and annoying calls still come, too.

We did lots of errands today and somehow managed to wear Sam out like he'd run a marathon. He went to sleep early, and was out cold in under six minutes! Rob has a Relay call with the Division tonight, so I'm catching up on blog reading and writing and settling in to watch the first night of the Democratic National Convention. For a politics junkie, it's like the SuperBowl.

It's no secret that I've been a longtime Barack Obama fan. For that very reason, I've had plenty of calls and emails asking what I think of his pick for VP. It's almost become amusing... I'm like a hometown pundit or something!

For the record, I'm kind of lukewarm on the pick right now. I would have liked to have seen Obama choose more of a wildcard, less politics-as-usual running mate. I also feel pretty strongly that the Republicans are going to have a field day with the fact that he chose someone who did vote for the war. I would like to think that we could elect an entire team who truly represents what so many Americans (including me) want in a president/vice president, but I understand the political reality of the situation. There are too many people that doubt that someone "inexperienced" can be a good president. I'm sure that's why people much smarter than me chose Joe Biden. Also for the record, I think that perhaps people who haven't been engrossed in Beltway politics for many decades COULD do a good job of turning things around. I'd like to see some fresh blood in the White House!

Oh well, I'm by no means retiring my collection of Obama gear. I am sure my enthusiasm will be renewed watching the nutty diehards in Denver... They look remarkably like Relayers, just wearing the wrong color!

10 Years!

Today, Rob and I celebrate 10 years of marriage. We went away in June when we had the babysitting help to mark the occasion, so today's celebration is a bit lower key. We're vascillating between going to see The Dark Knight before dinner (Um, woohoo?) or shopping for a new coffee maker. What activities could make us sound MORE like a suburban couple firmly planted in our mid-thirties?! The deciding factor? We have a Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon that MAY save us more money than we could buying the same coffee maker at Costco. That's a lot of shopping to drag Sam along for, so we may use our "free time" to just enjoy whine-free browsing.

In some ways, it's kind of fitting that we're so ok with that kind of celebration. Rob is truly my very best friend, and we're happy doing just about anything as long as we're doing it together. That can sound trite, but it's really how it is. The highest compliment I can pay him is to say that after a hard week or a busy work trip, I just want to be alone. My definition of "alone" though, always includes Rob and Sam. I really am at my happiest when we can just be together without too many obligations. That means it's just the people that Rob and Sam are that make me happy. I don't need to do something that is super-exciting to be blissfully content. I think that sounds like a good marriage!

It dawned on me this morning that I am quickly approaching a unique milestone. I will soon have the longest marriage in my own family. We're actually well past that point of "togetherness" if you consider that Rob and I have been together for 17 1/2 years now. It's the kind of thought that makes me wish I had some way to help other people just be happy like we are. It's something that's so simple, yet so easy to take for granted. We have the occasional conversation about how sad we are when we stop to realize how few truly happy couples we seem to know. I wish I knew what the answer was to be happy for a lifetime. I think it's really a lot of little things, and Rob and I are very blessed to value those same elements and work hard together to keep them strong.

Rob may not even read this today... Oddly enough, I don't think he ever reads my blog. I guess he figures he knows everything that's in here, but if he does, I want him to know that being that anti-hugger that I am, I realize that I'm not the most overtly sentimental and affectionate person he could have shackled himself to for all eternity. That does not diminish, however, how much I know I love him and how grateful I am to have him as my partner for life. I know a lot of very wonderful, nice, intelligent people, but I honestly have never met someone that I can for one second imagine being as close to and as happy with as I am with Rob.

I love that Sam will one day understand that Rob and I are actual high school sweethearts that have been lucky enough to have figured out the whole forever thing. I also hope he knows what a role he plays in making us happy as a couple, too. It's so gratifying to have gone down the very long road to parenthood together, and to get to enjoy the rewards of molding a little person as a team. When I'm feeling melodramatic (which, I admit, I am wont to do) I like to remind myself that what hasn't killed us (literally, in some cases!) has made us stronger and that I should savor every moment that I have.

I'm not always great at doing that, but I try. Today's a day that it's only fitting to reflect on my life, and I am proud to say that I am really a happy person. Thanks, Rob!

Feeling Proud

I am having my usual post-Summit mix of emotions this afternoon. Putting on such a huge meeting is a ton of work, but for very obvious good reasons. I am typically exhausted before I even arrive... luckily the adrenaline level is insanely high and totally contagious, so I make it through without collapsing in front of tons of volunteers.

I am feeling the pain today, but it's the satisfying kind... like when you take a very long walk and know you've done something good for yourself when you get home. I made it home with no flight delays this morning (which feels like the universe's little gift to me) and am able to get some R&R in before we head out to a family party tonight.

I had so much fun watching everyone in the ballroom in Indianapolis get excited to see people like Gordy Klatt, Pat Flynn, Dr. Seffrin, Dr. Brawley, Jeff Ross and so many other Relay celebs take the stage this weekend. It was especially fun to "experience" the Summit through Rob's eyes for a few brief moments. He's so committed to Relay, but had to watch most of the Summit (our biggest event of the year!) from the sidelines last year since we had Sam with us.

It was rather amusing, though, that Rob almost had no time for his boring wife whilst there. He was way too busy networking and basically being every bit the social butterfly. It was surreal. On Thursday night, we hung out in the hotel bar with a few friends and when I finally said I needed to get to bed so I could make a very early morning rehearsal, Rob just replied with, "I think I'll stay down here for a while and talk to these guys." What?? Voluntary socializing without my assistance? Who are you and what have you done with my husband??!

The absolute highlight of the weekend for me, though, was seeing Dr. Emil Freireich on the Relay stage. We'd seen Dr. Freireich for the first time about six years ago at the Medford Relay when he was asked by the family of a young leukemia survivor to come speak. Since I'd never forgotten that experience, I was thrilled that we were able to invite him to the nationwide Summit this year. Dr. Freireich and his research partner are credited with essentially "curing" childhood leukemia as well as developing the concept of combination chemotherapy. His contributions to the fight against cancer are nothing short of legendary, and hearing him tell his story was powerful stuff. We invited anyone in the 700+ audience who knew they'd been personally impacted by Dr. Freireich's work to come to the stage as he finished speaking to shake his hand. In the words of Rosanne Radke, it was like watching a religious revival in some ways. The flood of people who poured forth just for the chance to say a sentence to this man was one of the most moving things I've ever witnessed. I get chills just thinking about it. It's not often in your life that you meet someone with such stature who has single-handedly contributed to a better quality of life for MILLIONS of people.

Rob was lucky enough to get a quick picture with Dr. Freireich yesterday. He wants to be able to show it to a student of his who has been battling leukemia. I can't WAIT for her to see it! I was lucky enough to be the stagehand who helped Dr. Freireich get his microphone off once he was finished speaking and greeting people. I asked him if he's had fun, and he replied, "It was fun, but it was also so very moving..." And then he teared up a bit.

It's moments like this that make me realize how lucky I am to have the job I have.

My Wordle

I've seen this wordart on a few other blogs, but just saw today how to create it myself (by going to Wordle.net). I love seeing the words I (apparently) use most often when writing about my life turned into something so fun to look at. I'm going to have to scrap this for sure.

Another hurdle cleared

I woke up this morning kind of sad to realize that summer is already half over. We haven't even gotten in to any kind of groove yet. Rob's been so busy taking care of his dad that it seems like we can't settle on any kind of routine.

I did have a couple of days off this week. We had our final Parents in Process class on Tuesday at Holt, so I also took Monday off. We spent Monday at the Adventure Aquarium in Camden because it was so hot outside that I about passed out at the very idea of spending the day at Sesame Place. Sam had such a great time at the aquarium. He's followed it up with almost obsessive requests to watch some sea life kiddie documentary Rob discovered. I swear, he spent the entire time he watched it yesterday morning shouting "Look, Mommy! Did you know piranhas..." I admit I don't recall a single detail that he was so excited about, but in my defense, he fired so many aquatic facts at me while I was just trying to down my first cup of coffee that I really can't be expected to have absorbed the information.

As for the hurdle we've cleared, we took the last requisite parenting class at Holt this week. When we first started the process to adopt, I was kind of annoyed that we had to go through formal classes in order to parent. I felt like it was another element of the cosmic unfairness that had been chasing me for a couple of years. After all, I've encountered plenty of parents just during trips to Target that clearly could have used the help. However, when I went to the classes, I realized their value. It's good to spend some conscious time thinking about the unique aspects of raising a child born in another country.

This particular module was geared toward parents who were not first-timers. I thought that meant only people who were adopting again, but it must have meant anyone adding a child to their family. Several couples were adopting for the first time from China after having biological kids. We were among a group that all had preschool-aged boys from Korea and were in process for a second child.

The biggest eye-opener of the day was listening to a lovely woman who was an adoptee herself, and had also adopted two boys from Korea. (I did ask if she had requested gender, since they make exceptions to that rule for adoptees and other people born in Korea, but she did not. Note to self: adjust the mental odds when people ask if we'll be matched with a boy or girl!)

Anyway, this woman spoke to the exact issues Rob and I have always worried the most about... The biggest such issue is how to deal with the inevitable racism that children like Sam are likely to encounter in school. It's easy for us suburbanite Caucasians to feel that our community is diverse and "color-blind," but that's never the truth. No matter how much we want to believe it is, adoptees like Sam and this woman struggle throughout their entire lives to fit in some place. Most adjust just fine and are happy people, but they still deal with the constant awareness that they feel white but are not, and that people assume they are Asian, but don't feel Asian either.

I was in tears twice listening to this woman talk about how her own family could make her feel without realizing it and how she has been treated while doing something as innocent as trying to register for school. I know we've tried out best to gently correct people in our own circles who don't realize that, for instance, Sam is Asian -- not "oriental." That seems like an innocent mistake to some people, but for someone struggling with real identity issues, a family member who can't be bothered to learn the correct term can be deeply hurtful.

We will continue to try to do our best (and need to do better at that) to expose Sam and his soon-to-be brother or sister to aspects of their birth culture that they will want to be somewhat familiar with later in life. It's not easy to balance both sides of their world, but that's our job.

Some Days Are Harder Than Others

It's beginning to get harder to wait and wonder when we'll be matched with our baby. I find myself with my mind wandering off on a pretty regular basis at this point. It's still too early to expect a call, but there's been a small part of me that's always thought we could be on the early side for a referral. Our homestudy has been in Korea for six months already, which is so hard to believe! Of course, his circumstances were different, but Sam was home with us about six WEEKS after our homestudy was complete the first time around. So... I'll just admit right now that the waiting part stinks. I know it's all part of the process and that God will ensure *our* baby is matched with us when the time is right, but I'm still allowed to be antsy, right?

So much of my life changed when Sam came home, and it wasn't all what comes along with being parents for the first time. I had a new job, too. I think part of me is beginning to wonder how this will all play out. Deep down, I feel like a lot is going to change this time as well, but I just can't say what that means for sure. Maybe it's just because I didn't have as long a period to wait and wonder last time, but it would seem that too much time to think is not always a good thing for me.

When I wasn't thinking about all the baby "stuff" today in church, I could not get our friend Ted out of my mind, either. I have no business even beginning to complain that it's been too long since we've had quality time with our friends the Gwaras given how much Ethan and Kim miss him, but it's really starting to wear on us, too! Of course, we pray for his safety every single day (along with about 1,000 or so others also praying for him at our church!) but I can't help but think that I just wish we had a weekend to visit Sesame Place and hang out with the kids. That's probably why I seem to be on such a tear to find a house right in our neighborhood for them to move to. Walks with Sam and Rob have turned into conversations about how many houses we can find that would be just *perfect* for them. Honestly, my definition of perfect right now seems to just mean that the living structure be located within walking distance of my own. There is a house right NEXT DOOR that is certainly more perfect than the others, if I do say so myself.

Fun List

I'm so tired after an interesting travel week that I can't even think of writing creatively. For those work friends who were speculating as to how I would "handle" meeting Mr. Relay For Life himself in person for the very first time, I'm proud to say that we had a really great, long and productive discussion yesterday in Ithaca. I am still tortured over the fact, though, that my boss and I left two hours to drive a distance that should have taken just one, but still got lost in Ithaca and were late to our meeting. Most anyone who knows me at all knows how much I HATE being late. I'm obsessively, annoyingly early for everything in life. The day I meet the icon that is Relay For Life? I'm late. He was very kind about it and even joked with me later when he heard we got lost yet again after parting ways for the afternoon.

So... the fun, mindless part. I don't know why I enjoy these lists so much, but I do.

Here’s the game: you have to answer the question with ONE WORD only and then you have to tag 4 people.
1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? Sears
3. Your hair? floppy
4. Your mother? honest
5. Your father? Kansas
6. Your favorite thing? Mac
7. Your dream last night? nonexistent
8 Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? independence
10. The room you’re in? toy-strewn
11. Your hobby? digiscrapping
12. Your fear? finances
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? settled
14. What you’re not? energized
15. Muffins? carby
16. One of your wish list items? lens
17. Where you grew up? Kansas
18. The last thing you did? walk
19. What are you wearing? Relay
20. Favorite gadget? Flip
21. Your pets? mopey
22. Your computer? Mac
23. Your mood? tired
24. Missing someone? yes
25. Your car? Toyota
26. Something you’re not wearing? flip-flops
27. Favorite store? jjill
28. Like someone? Mom
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? Sunday
Tagging? Kim, Noel, Melissa (I know no one else who reads this and also has their own blog!)

Fireworks!

We're taking Sam to see real, live fireworks for the first time tomorrow. This clearly isn't his first Fourth of July, but it is the first year we can be assured he'll still be in a relatively pleasant mood at 9 p.m. when it all starts AND that the loud noises won't scar him for life.

I'm actually not entirely convinced that second point is true, but I'm hoping it is. To be on the safe side, I'm going to get little bitty ear plugs this afternoon that he can wear if he wants to. I think the fun of it all, especially with his cousins, will eventually make him forget the loud booming noises. My dog, on the other hand, has not been left alone on the Fourth for quite some time and may have entirely destroyed our house by the time we return home. He's a big fraidy cat.

I saw this Blogthings quiz on the Sweet Shoppe blog today, and it seemed appropriate, so here you go:

What Your These Fireworks Say About You

You are the type of person who lives a big, bold, and unique life. You love to stand out and be noticed. And people definitely notice you. You are easily excited, and you're quick to move to action. You like to be in motion doing something. Keeping busy makes you feel good.

The Fireworks Test

A big, bold, and unique life? Ok. Sounds like someone else, but I'll take it. Like to be noticed. Um, not so much. If I looked like Jessica Alba, maybe. But I would rather people didn't look that closely on most days! That keeping busy part is true, but I count sitting in front of the computer scrapping as keeping busy, which may not be everything the quiz writer had in mind when I selected that lovely photo of two-in-one fireworks. Then again, who writes those quizzes anyway?!

The end of an era

After a great deal of debate between Sam's Daddy and I, we have finally agreed THE day has come. Sam no longer needs to nap.

Feel free to join me in a nice big sigh.

I have a love/hate relationship with this entire awake-all-day concept. On one hand, it's nice to not be tied to the need to be home for Sam to sleep for four hours in the middle of every single day. It will be nice when we're on vacation (as if) and don't have to plan to find a place to get him to sleep. It will be nice when we know we have parties to go to and typically either deal with a cranky kid or miss half the party.

It will not be so nice on our usually lazy Sunday afternoons, when I get a nice peaceful bit of bonding time with Photoshop and Rob gets to read or garden or play Wii.

There's no question there's some transition involved in this whole ordeal. And I will admit it here, though deny having done so: I am getting off so easy in all of this. Poor Rob. I'm tucked away upstairs working all day while he's left to figure out how to keep our overly active child busy ALL. DAY. LONG. Seriously. The man should be sainted.

That photo you see? That's part of the transition. Rob turned his back for five minutes around 6 p.m. one day last week and Mr. I'm Too Big For Naps, Mommy was out cold.

I have been a delinquent blogger lately because most of my life is consumed by script writing and deciding between the virtues of maple and oak or distressed vintage finishes vs. lovely wood stain vs. paint. I thought that redesigning our kitchen after it's needed it for so long would be fun. And it's not. Don't let anyone tell you differently. There's not a single glamorous thing about knowingly forking over this kind of money and all the while losing serious sleep because you and your significant other can't decide exactly which cabinet door style would look best or if the island should have a small radius edge to it. Call me when it's time to pick the paint. That sounds like more fun to me.

Finally, I promised a friend that I would out myself on my own blog. I assured him that no one that reads this probably cares to see me promote our Relay For Life video contest, but he did get me to admit that anyone who knows me would probably enjoy a laugh at my expense, so here you have it. Watch this video and see just how far I'm willing to go for my job. This ranks up there with serious embarrassment in my book, but my dedication to RelayForLife.org transcends my need to keep people from watching me make a fool of myself. And thanks again to the coworkers who have already seen this and do believe that I deserve combat pay for putting up with these two crazy people while we filmed this.

My secret

I posted in a few places that I had a secret a few days ago. Who knew that my little secret would stir up such curiosity?!

Well... for my nonscrapping readers, the news may disappoint you a bit. For me, however, it's far from mundane news to say that one of my all-time favorite designers, MandaBean, asked me to join her creative team! I was so excited to get her email earlier in the week, but she had to wait a bit to make things official, then I went out of town for a couple of days.

Rob and I went to Washington, DC to celebrate our 10th anniversary a bit early. We had such a great time! Not surprisingly, I found the Newseum to be just about the coolest place I'd ever been. Seriously. We spent SIX HOURS in that place. I was practically giddy to get to see actual copies of front pages like "Dewey Defeats Truman" up close. It was a bit creepy, too, to stand next to the Unabomber's cabin and see the top of a radio tower that was once on the World Trade Center. I could go on, but anyone who's not a total news junkie might start to get bored.

We went to dinner last night at Ruth's Chris. Perhaps it wasn't the most innovative place we could go, but it was Sonoma friendly and Rob had never been. We had a hilarious French waiter and the place practically to ourselves, so we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I am really loving that I can be on a diet that actually allows me to eat someplace like that and still works. I am going to see if I actually won a weight loss challenge at work this week. A few of us decided to try to lose 10 lbs. in 10 weeks. My official weigh-in for the challenge is tomorrow, but I am pretty sure I'll be able to report 17 pounds.

I still need to unpack before I can go to bed, and tomorrow will be busy. Chalk it up to yet another thing I never thought I'd be doing 10 years ago but am totally looking forward to now: Sam is finally old enough to go to Vacation Bible School! Rob and I volunteered even before we had a child of our own, so we're really looking forward to seeing Sam have fun this week.

HOT

I thought yesterday was possibly the hottest day of my entire life. I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that I was in the middle of a field, next to a track that might possibly have been made of molten lava, but I was wrong.

Yesterday was not the hottest day of my life. Today is. And I'm not happy about it.

And I'm surely only going to get crankier by Tuesday, when the forecast is calling for a heat index of 109 degrees.

I don't think it should be legal to require people to do much of anything in this kind of oppressive heat. I think Rob and Sam should be able to stay home tomorrow and eat popsicles all day.

I also keep anyone who doesn't have the luxury of sitting in air conditioning, in front of a computer, whining on a blog *waaahhh...it's hot out*** in my prayers on days like this. Ever since I was little, really hot or really cold weather makes me think about homeless people. I hate that there are people in the world who have no place to go on days like this.

This week

This has been one of the most un-fun weeks I've had in ages. It's sad and frustrating all at once to have thing begin to change when you're just not ready for it. It's hard to watch the one you love the most struggle so much with it.

Because this is at least in theory a public blog, I don't want to violate anyone's privacy by putting down in black and white what all the stress is about, but suffice it to say it's taking it's toll on my husband, and I fear we're only getting started with what's to come.

My superman husband is tormenting himself about all the good he's supposed to be doing in the world tomorrow. He's genuinely needed in more places than one body is capable of occupying, and it's breaking him down to decide what to do. I may have to slip something into his root beer tonight to get him to sleep. Poor guy. Then again, it times of intense stress, Rob seems to be able to just drop off to sleep as a way of escape. Let's hope he at least gets that much respite!

I took Sam to Family Fun Night at Laurel Tree tonight. He has markedly matured since last year when he ran from activity to activity like a whirlwind. He was calm tonight and actually ate a little bit. What he ingested wasn't healthy, but edible substances did enter his body. That's progress.

He also spent a good deal of time in the world's largest moonbounce. A few parents let little itty bitty kids go in this contraption. Sam saw a roughly 18 month old girl start to cry when she got bounced into, resulting in a bloody lip. His first instinct was to stop, watch her intently, then rush to me to ask if she was ok and how he could make her feel better.

This week may be stressful, but God seems to have a way of letting me know that things will still be ok!

Baby Fever

Does anyone remember me saying that the wait wasn't too bad yet? It must be because I'm so sure *our* baby is on the planet somewhere now that it's gotten measurably more difficult to remain patient over the last few days.

I think I officially have baby fever again.

I wonder if waiting in a long line in a dingy immigration office in Northeast Philadelphia in the wee hours of Saturday morning will put a damper on that at all?

Strong feeling

I've been meaning to get this "on paper" for a few days now. I have NO IDEA why, but I said to Rob on more than one occasion this weekend that I really think our baby was born May 31 or June 1. I have absolutely no idea if this is true and know I won't find out until the end of the year if I was right, but whoever he or she is or will be, I've definitely started to think about "the baby" a lot.

I think I've got a REALLY bad case of nesting settling in, too, since we meet with the designer for the first time today to plan out the new kitchen. I'm antsy to do something to get the rooms for Sam and the baby switched over, but can't really do much to the nursery until we know if we'll have a boy or girl. I'm still fairly well convinced we'll have a girl, but I know that the minute I buy something pink, I'll get a call that we have another son!

We've been back to talking about baby names a lot, too. Sam announced this weekend that, regardless of gender, HIS baby (still working on sharing, apparently) will be called "Mr. Wow." Catchy, no? I'm also pretty sure he's got a hidden Johnny Cash stash somewhere, because prior to the big Mr. Wow decision, he told me that we were getting a boy and that HER name would be Sue. I think I've blogged about that before, but it still cracks me up.

Rob finally saw firsthand some of Sam's emotional reaction to the adoption. It seems to come and go, and was definitely coming this weekend. The two of them were watching the movie "An American Tail," and when the little mice were in Orphan Alley looking for their family, Rob looked over to see Sam with tears streaming down his face. He told Rob that he didn't want to watch the movie and just stood there silently crying because he found it so sad that anyone would get separated from their family. I really have no idea if the Orphan Alley part had anything to do with this, but it sure had an impact on us.

Sam also has taken, again, to stuffing blankie under his shirt to pretend it's a baby. I asked him about it on Sunday and he told me that he knows babies grow in bellies. I asked him if he knew whose belly he grew in and he said, "Yes. My Daddy's." I asked if he'd ever seen another daddy with a baby in his belly and said no. He also said that "babies don't grow in your belly, Mommy." We've told him on more than one occasion that my belly is broken. I try to keep that comment separate from discussion about adoption, however. So, my poor kid is probably a bit confused. He knows he's adopted in terms of the word, but he doesn't really know that that means. I think we're doing the right thing, though, by making him comfortable with the word so that it won't be as big a deal when he really understands what it means.

I was proud to hear him say something today that made me know that while he may not truly understand adoption yet, he knows what family is. He was chattering on the way to school that Mommies and Daddies and babies always take care of each other. Then he said, "You know what, Mommy? You don't even have to look alike to be family. Daddy and Willy look just alike, but Daddy and Uncle David don't. Uncle David has more hair. But they are still brothers, aren't they, Mommy?" Truth and humor. The best combination!

Public Service Announcement

Even when you KNOW your child is completely and totally potty trained, S#*t still happens. Don't be an idiot and go out to places like Relay For Life events in the middle of a football field with no wipes or changes of clothes, even in your car that's parked 15 min. away. Spare stuff takes up so little room in your car. For the love of Pete, just keep it with you. At all times. Sick children often come with no warning. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and when all else fails, be sure to always have your trusty friend Kim and her perfectly-sized child with you. Because she's probably smarter than you and will be well-equipped.

Announcement over. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A break...

I've been writing for what seems like DAYS for work! I'm not really complaining since I really like to write, but my eyes are starting to bug out. I thought I'd take a quick lunch break and what do I do? Go poke around online! I thought of trying to eat lunch with my eyes closed to give them a break, but that doesn't work well when you're eating salad!

The next best thing? Spending a few minutes daydreaming about vacation... Between the impending adoption of our second sweetie and the construction of a new kitchen (woohoo!) we're not doing much in the way of a formal vacation this year. When I ran across a blog post at The Sweet Shoppe today, though, it gave me a few minutes to daydream about where I *would* go if I could swing it.

The easy answer for me: I want to go heli-hiking in Banff. Not such an easy vacation with a preschooler, but I swear that I will take two trips before I die. I will heli-hike in the Canadian Rockies and we will take a trip to South Korea as a family.

I think our alternative this year will be a short road trip to do something fun with Sam. It may not get much more exotic than New York, Pennsylvania or Massachusetts, but at least we'll get away together.

I realize I'm too old for this

but I was seriously. seriously. excited about this last night. It's clear I don't get out much, since I took almost personal pride in David Cook's American Idol victory last night.

I was thinking about this while getting ready this morning. There was a time not very long ago when I might have been embarrassed to admit that I am a diehard-never-miss-an-episode fan of such a teeny bopper show. You know what?! I think I'm finally getting old enough that I don't care if it makes me look like a dork. Rob and I have a great time hanging out together every Tuesday and Wednesday night watching the show. For the record, he's not as happy as I am this morning. My poor, misguided husband is a huge Archie fan.

So, now that my little confessional for the morning is over...

I'll be taking Sam to school soon. He was home all day yesterday for a non-existent illness, which made getting any work done very difficult. It's not his fault, but the kid had tons of energy but had to be stuck inside with me all day. It's days like yesterday, though, that I count my lucky stars for my job. I get to do something I love from home, which means if Sam is sick, there are usually no worries that he can be home with his mommy until he's better.

Except he wasn't sick yesterday. Did I mention that? I got a call on Tuesday that he'd thrown up during naptime. The story was that he woke up out of a sound sleep, sick as a dog. Well, he was as bouncy as could be 15 min. later when I arrived to take him home. After much conversation about the incident, it would seem that his allergies caused a nagging cough (which has been going on for days now). The tickle finally mad him gag up some of his lunch. I won't go into further detail, but suffice it to say that Sam knew exactly the contents and volume of said sickness.

Thank goodness he wasn't actually sick. It would stink to be sick this week, as he's about to turn four. I think this is the first time he's really looked forward to his birthday for so long. He was excited last year, but he knows exactly when it is this year and can't WAIT for his party at the firehouse this Saturday.

Lost cuteness
I saw a digiscrap the other day about the cute things that this woman's kids don't do any longer. She commented that we capture lots of firsts, but have no way of knowing when something might be happening for last time. That struck me as so true!

Sam no longer comments that "five minutes is A LOT" when warned that a given activity is coming to a close. He no longer says "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" while watching a ceiling fan spin above him. He doesn't even call me Mommy all the time anymore! He's started to just say "Mom" about half the time now.

I know there are many more. I think I'll mentally gather them and see if I can do a layout of my own. It seems like an appropriate way to mark his birthday. Maybe it will get my mind off of the slight sadness that I just can't shake every year at this time. I love him to pieces and am still in awe of how lucky we are to have been brought together, but I also just know in my gut that his birthmom must struggle at this time of year. I wish she could see what an amazing little boy our son is.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Ever since I lost my first pregnancy in 2002, I swore I would never get upset about getting older. I'm very happy to say I'm not pretending when I say that I really, genuinely don't mind birthdays or the fact that I'm not getting any younger. I'm still grateful that I had an extremely talented surgeon who gave me what I hope will be many more years with Rob and my family.

After a very long and exhausting few weeks at work, I took my birthday off on Friday with my mom. Other than spending 5 hours in the car for a trip that should have taken about two, we had a great time. We went to a new outlet mall in Pottstown and made out like bandits. I forgot how nice it can be to shop without a 35-year-old man and a 4-year-old boy whining that they're bored and ready to go.

I got the chance to see friends that I hadn't seen in a while that evening and hung out with family on Saturday night. It's been such a nice weekend. Too bad it's almost over!

I always experience my birthday as bittersweet since Andrew quickly declined on my birthday and died on May 18. It's hard to believe that it's been 12 years today since we lost him. I've unfortunately lost most contact with his mother, whom I absolutely adored. I hope she's doing well in Georgia and that she knows that lots of people still love her AND Andrew. Speaking of those people, I finally got to see John for the first time in a long time today, too! I really need to figure out a way for us to hang out or talk more. We have so little in common in our day-to-day routines that it can be difficult, but every time we are together, it's like no time has passed at all. If ever there were a definition of a great friend, I think that's it. We even hugged today. Anyone that knows the two of us knows that's not our usual greeting! I've been missing him so much that it only seemed right.

Sam received his very first trophy this weekend. He completed (sort of) his first soccer season on Saturday. He hasn't really been participating much, so I doubt we'll try again for a while, but it's been really cute to see him tote the trophy around the house. He's been repeating Coach Jeff, who announced that Sam was "last but not least." Sam thinks that phrase is hilarious.

I'll spend this week getting ready for Sam's big birthday party at the firehouse. If any of my crafty friends have ideas for clever favors, I'm all ears!

Relay For Life -- a shameless plug

Relay For Life is not just my job. It's really a big part of our lives. When Rob was diagnosed with cancer over 11 years ago, he didn't want to talk about it. To anyone. But I still had a huge need to do SOMETHING. Volunteering is in my DNA, but Rob didn't want anything to do with anything about cancer.

I'd lost Andrew in May, and less than six months later, Rob was diagnosed. That was a lot for a 22-year-old to process, but the one thing I knew was that I needed to find a way to somehow volunteer for the "cancer cause." I didn't exactly plan for my opportunity to come because I was laid off and needed a job, but such is life.

From the minute I started working for the American Cancer Society, I knew I'd found my calling. Rob still didn't want to admit he'd had cancer, but after he saw his first Survivors Lap at a Relay For Life, he got it. We've been Relaying ever since.

I know that many people we know were there when Rob battled with cancer or have walked alongside someone else who's fought a good fight. So... If you got an email from me today or are reading this now, I am plugging Relay not because it's my job, but because I still feel the importance of doing my little part in our own community to make sure research and family services continue.

Here's my fundraising page I'd love it if you could join us for a lap at Relay on June 7 or if you could make a donation to support the cause. I work every day to make sure your contributions are put to very good use!

Andrew

For the first time in a very long time, I dreamt about Andrew last night. We were at some house, with lots of people we knew, but the two of us were just hanging out and talking. I think at one point we were having a debate about which kind of hairdryer worked best!

I came out of the dream to Sam screaming that he had to use the potty. Thankfully, Rob jumped up to solve the emergency. I didn't want to wake up. It's hard to believe that it's been 12 years since Andrew died. I still think about him every single day, but in a strange way, having a dream about him made him seem so close.

I suppose I'm thinking of him more because the anniversary of his death is getting closer. It's amazing to me that I'm older now than he was when he died. I'm so glad that we named Sam for him and I wonder sometimes what things would be like if he were still here. I am sure he would have found Sam hysterical and that we would still be close friends, but the reality is that if it weren't for AIDS, Andrew would have made his life in Florida. I wouldn't have met him. Even if I had, he probably wouldn't have lived here in New Jersey where we could see each other often.

I suppose there's no point in wondering what might have been... I'm lucky to have known him no matter what the circumstance. I'm convinced that much of how I live my life is because of the lessons I learned from Andrew.

I miss him.

Our weekend

I do not feel like Mother of the Year this weekend. We miss Rob for sure, but I didn't do a bang-up job of keeping Sam industriously occupied while passing the time.

What I thought were bug bites are most likely shingles, so I've been itchy and cranky. My back is also hurting like crazy. My sympathies to anyone who deals with that regularly. Ouch. Seriously. Now I know why a spinal fusion must seem like a worthwhile option to people.

Anyway, I wish I'd been able to do something constructive with Sam, but I just haven't been able to. He's trying (I think) to cooperate, but the kid is nonstop energy. Combine that with a grouchy mommy and a drizzly, chilly weekend, and you have a recipe for chaos. I swear it's taking everything I have to stay calm... and the antihistamine for itching is supposed to make you totally calm. I can't imagine what condition my nerves would be in without it!

I had a major case of the guilts when I put Sam down for bed last night. He was in one of his spinning-top episodes and I was so frustrated by the time I left his room. I kept kicking myself for not having the patience to lay there with him to help calm him down. Luckily, he did that himself and went to sleep fairly quickly. That was not the case the night before or at naptime. It took him nearly two hours both times to settle down. He made up for it by waking up at 5:15 this morning.

The good news is that we got some good snuggle time in on the couch yesterday and seem to have found a new movie Sam enjoys: Ice Age: Meltdown. It's hilarious to hear Sam giggle when one of the characters gets totally filled up with water and goes buzzing all over the glacier like a balloon that is losing air. We also had a few rousing rounds of Chutes and Ladders throughout the day. Sam kicked my rear each time! He's all ladders... I'm nothing but chutes.

One random story that I'm not sure how to interpret: Sam, as I've previously reported, is quite curious about the whole new baby thing. He seems to be adjusting, but still asks if we're going to keep him. We've dealt with that to some degree by turning that question on him (as well as reassurances every single time he asks). He has asked where our baby is growing and didn't quite buy the response that God was in charge of that part. He gets that there's a belly with a baby in it somewhere, and understandably can't figure out why it's not mine.

He's apparently decided to step in for me. I've seen him on multiple occasions with his blankie stuffed up his shirt. He even woke up that way from nap yesterday. I ask why he's wearing his blanket in such a manner and he tells me simply that "it's my baby." I've decided not to make too much of it at all. It makes me kind of sad to know he's doing that when he's alone and trying to fall asleep. I'm guessing he's laying there thinking about the whole thing. I just hope that all of the discussions about how important he is to our family are starting to stick with him. I like to think that they are since his behavior over all has improved, but there's no doubt that there's a lot going on in that little head.

On to Wave 2

I've had a few people ask what the heck I'm talking about when I say I'm following the Sonoma Diet. Basically, it's a lean protein, vegetable, fruit and whole grains diet. I've heard it compared to South Beach and Sugar Busters. I chose it because one of my bestest buddies has lost a ton of weight on it (that's the best kind of motivation!) and because the recipes ALL sounded great when I perused the book and web site before making up my mind. I also just knew I needed something different.

When Sam was coming home, I did a good job of following a plan. I used his impending arrival as my focal point for getting healthier. I really need to do the same thing again, and so far, Rob and I are loving this.

It's not that interesting to listen to someone else talk about a diet, but I wanted to log my progress for myself so that I stay on my game. I officially begin Wave 2 today (I can't wait to go buy some fruit!) and have lost just over five pounds now. I'm on my own this weekend since Rob is in Ohio for a Relay meeting, but I have already made a shopping list and planned a few of the recipes that I'm going to make. Anyone who knows me well knows how WEIRD this is for me. I don't cook on a good day. And cooking when home by myself? Never. But...watch me go! I'm going to make Shrimp Serrano tonight. Doesn't that make me sound fancy?!

My other occupation while Rob is out of town may be spending a bit too much on scrap supplies. It's a holiday tomorrow after all. What?! Most people don't consider National Scrapbooking Day a holiday?! How is that possible?

One week

I've been on Sonoma for one week now, and can actually say I'm enjoying myself. How weird is that?! I always like the sense I control I feel once I decide I need to formally follow a diet, but this sense goes beyond that. The food tastes good and Rob and I are cooking more. That means we spend more time together and get to talk. Before we committed to follow a diet plan that required A LOT of cooking, we used up every spare minute we had and one of us (mostly Rob) rushed to get something quickly on the table. The recipes we're using now mean that both of us usually need to be in the kitchen. I suppose a more experienced cook wouldn't find it that way, but neither of us are gourmets and we also have a nearly four-year-old who is STILL in the beige food phase.

Rob's having his willpower tested sooner than I am. He goes to Ohio for a Relay For Life Advisory Team meeting this weekend. I can let him report back on how easy it is to follow Sonoma when on the road. My dear friend Kelli tells me we can do it. She's been amazingly successful already and is the one who finally convinced me to try something other than Weight Watchers. So far, I've lost as much weight in the first week as I would have on WW (four pounds, for anyone in the Relay 10 lb. club who's counting!!)

I just realized that I've typed two entire paragraphs about a diet. Wow. What fun for no one else but me. Sorry. My blog, my free therapy.

I'm off to start an early day of work. I have more to do than I can possibly get done, and needed one day with a few extra hours in it to at least *feel* like I'm making headway. Lord knows I've learned that when you're flying solo with Sam, not much but the basics gets done!

A fun list

I love these lists for some reason... And I'm not quite ready to dive into email at this early hour.

Where is your cell phone? In my purse...needing to be charged
Your significant other? on his way to school for the day
Your hair? Is still in shock from being cut off last week; at least it's not grey for the moment
Your mother? needs a good vacation
Your father? probably already on his way to work in Kansas. I should call him today.
Your favorite thing? My computer
Your dream last night? I don't remember any dreams from last night.
Your favorite drink? iced tea, Ferrari Carano Siena, Belvedere vodka gimlet
Your dream/goal? to land a Relay For Life story in People magazine
The room you’re in? our living room
Your ex? Who knows? I haven't had an "ex" since high school. I'm pretty sure the last one is living in Michigan.
Your fear? People touching my pillow; not getting a referral until next year
Where do you want to be in 6 years? If a few key people/family would agree to pick up and move with us... back in Kansas City
Where were you last night? At home, watching Rob practice Wii tennis
What you’re not? a good cook
Muffins? We're following the Sonoma diet, so no muffins in this house.
One of your wish list items? Gucci by Gucci
Where you grew up? Lenexa, Kansas
The last thing you did? read a Max and Ruby book to Sam
What are you wearing? sweats
Your TV? tuned to The Upside Down Show
Your pets? Frankie is half in/half out in the rain; Roosevelt still seems to be sleeping in his bowl
Your computer? an iMac that is quickly running out of space
Your life? too busy and missing one little person, but otherwise quite happy!
Your mood? ready to write
Missing someone? Kathy -- we haven't had much time lately
Your car? a Toyota Sienna that's probably feeling unloved because Sam and I always talk about getting a Prius while we're in the car
Something you’re not wearing? lipstick
Favorite store? jjill
Your summer? restful and fun, since the boys are both home all day
Like someone? lots of people
Your favorite color? probably green
Last time you laughed? this morning when Sam woke up calling me a Silly Head
Last time you cried? last week at the airport when I saw Patriot Guard riders roll in to meet a soldier coming home from Iraq

Early Birthday

I'm not sure if I'm about to turn 34 or 14, but I got an early birthday present today that makes me feel like a tween. We just happened to go into Target as they were stocking Wiis. Rob tells me they're still really hard to get, and I've had an interest in one since we picked one up at the very same Target under the very same circumstances for someone else back in February. I've also heard people talk since Christmas about how much fun they are. So... I decided it would be fun for us, too, and since they were right there, we got one.

We hooked it up during Sam's naptime and played for almost two hours. As it turns out, I'm quite an accomplished Wii bowler. I'm more in Barack Obama's league when it comes to knocking down pins, but give me a Wii control, and I'm unstoppable. I scored a 196 in my third game. Something tells me that I need to learn how to change the skill level. I think I may be playing at the Nintendo equivalent of bumper bowling!

Friends in high places...

It pays to have friends in the right places. I asked my fabulous designer friend, Ms. Lauren Reid, about possibly creating an Earth Day kit. I have lots of outdoorsy pics of Sam and thought the kit itself might raise some awareness about "making the Earth happy" as my dear son likes to say. So without further ado...I give you "Tree Hugger." How CuTe is this kit??! I love it... If you're a scrapper, go to www.littledreamerdesigns.com so you can go to the store and buy it. I'd stay longer, but I'm off to scrap myself.

Sorry, Senator

I've been planning for weeks now to take today as a vacation day to volunteer for Obama in Pennsylvania. I had a great time working with MoveOn on Election Day in 2004 and know that today's primary will be closely watched as the Convention gets closer and closer. Well... the best laid plans. George and I both made every effort to clear our schedules, but both of us had work stuff come up that we just can't miss. Instead of waving signs during Philly drive time, I'm wearing my Obama 08 shirt and making another nice contribution to the campaign. I've been a member of the Out-Of-State Volunteers group on BarackObama.com, but I think I'll switch and see what I can start to do in NJ.

I've got a few stories to catch up on, but as usual, the last couple of weeks have been crazy.

Spring
Well, even though every plan we thought we had on Saturday didn't happen as we'd anticipated, we still had a great evening at home together. For one reason or another, we've not had a "regular" Saturday together in weeks. Rob had a Relay engagement on Saturday morning, but by naptime, we were all at home together. The best part was that the weather was absolutely perfect for the first time that I could actually enjoy it. We ate dinner outside and played in the yard until bedtime. My favorite meal of the year is the first one that we can cook on the grill and actually enjoy on the patio.

Soccer
We made another attempt at the soccer thing on Saturday. Thank goodness Uncle David is a coach, or else I'm not sure Sam would have ever seen any action. We think it's all related to the other behavior issues we've been dealing with, but Sam REFUSES to play. My mom couldn't even get him to the field last weekend. He went fairly willingly this weekend, but then put on the brakes the instant we arrived. He clung to me like his life depended on it and would not play with the team. I don't want to demand Sam play soccer, but I also don't want to reinforce behavior that is becoming a bigger issue every day. I told him that he didn't have to play, but that we were going to stay. He'd asked on the way if he could have lunch at Wendy's when soccer was over. I'd agreed, so when he refused to play and wanted to leave to go get chicken nuggets, we had plenty of whining. I explained that we were going to watch so that he could decide when he was ready to play. I also told him that I really wanted to watch Danny play if he wasn't going to play himself. I'm not sure which part of the process worked, but about 35 min. into the hour-long game, he decided he was ready. He just stood up and announced that he had changed his mind and wanted to "be a blueberry." Coach Jeff had set up a scrimmage. Some kids were in their blue shirt and, thus, blueberries. Some wore yellow "thing" (for all my years of soccer, I can't remember what they're called!) that made them bananas. All in all, I was just glad he decided on his own to play. Every day since, he's asked when he can go again. We shall see how that goes.

The Pope
I've always had an interest in the formalities of the papacy. I watched the funeral of Pope John Paul II and the election of the new pope three years ago with bated breath. I watched much of the coverage of Pope Benedict's first US visit last week, too. I even recorded the last part of the Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral since it wasn't finished by the time we had to leave for soccer. I watched in amusement Saturday night the long procession of the church dignitaries into the cathedral. I was mesmerized by the symbolism and reverence with which all of the clergy in attendance waited for the Pope's entrance.

I got the giggles, however, when I noticed a certain sign of the times that really put a bit of a damper on the sacredness of the occasion for me. As Pope Benedict made his way down the aisle, you could see tons of priests and nuns taking his picture. Ok. I get that. It's a huge moment in their lives. While I was distracted by the flashes, I tried to understand the significance of what was happening to someone who has devoted their lives to the church. What got me for some weird reason, though, were all of the clergy one or two seats back from the aisle who were holding up cell phones to take pictures as if they were at a Rolling Stones show. I don't know why the device used to take pictures was so noticeable to me, but it was. Oh, well. I suppose that since I probably missed some of the coverage that I'll be able to access it online now. Do you think nuns go back to the convent and upload cell phone video to You Tube?

Day One
Well, as much as I don't want to admit it, Weight Watchers seemed to work best for me when some stranger had to see with her own eyes how much I weigh. I suppose it must have been the humiliation factor that kept me on the wagon. Now that I travel with complete irregularity, it was becoming impossible to stick to a meeting day. I don't know anyone faithful WWer who was relaxed enough to weigh in when it's convenient. No, when you invest in the program, you wear the same clothes to weigh in on the same day. And you generally have nothing in your stomach when you go. I came to realize that this wasn't a "lifestyle change." I have been telling myself for a while that in order to really make a change, I had to be accountable only to myself. That brought me to WWOnline. No real success there. I just felt like I was missing something once the initial motivation wore off, and I lost steam quickly.

So, after quite a bit of research and discussion between Rob and I about what we can do together that will really mean healthy changes that are permanent, we decided to try the Sonoma Diet. This is one that calls a spade a spade and says, Yes, you are on a diet. I like the honesty in that. However, once you get through the first two "waves" that, like Weight Watchers, are focused on weight loss, you are supposed to be able to maintain on a not-so-restrictive rest-of-your-days plan. In theory, it's not much different than any other plan in the maintenance regard, but from the get-go, the plan basically revolves around whole, unprocessed food. You're trained from Day One to consume far less sugar, which I think will be a big change for me. I always still ate sugar-free pudding and the like on WW. I think the theory of cutting your sugar cravings with no sweets other than fruit is probably more sensible (if not as much fun as you get used to it!) We both checked out the book and actually thought 95% of the recipes sounded like stuff we'd like to make anyway, so we're giving it a go. I'm fairly good at sticking to a plan in the initial stages, mainly because I'm very stubborn and refuse to fail. I just hope that this is what actually makes us eat differently in the end.

I will admit that when I saw that Day One's breakfast was oatmeal with skim milk and coffee, I thought I was in good shape. In the nuances lie the change. No sugar in the coffee or on the cereal. Duh. But, I think those are small sacrifices once we bite the bullet and get used to it. I just have to be honest with myself and realize that what I'm doing is going to help me feel better when I'm another year older and trying to keep up with a new baby! I did a good job of losing weight in anticipation of Sam's arrival, and this baby deserves the same commitment.

Well, now that I've had my own little therapy session, I'll go boil some steel-cut oats and start the day.

Forever

After having Sam home with us for nearly three years now, it's easy to take for granted that he knows he's going to be part of our family forever.

I don't think that he remembers anything from life before us, but I do firmly contend that buried in his psyche is a bit of insecurity. I'm also fairly well convinced that it's this insecurity that may be at the root of some of his behavior issues.

If I ever wondered, he gave me good reason last night.

In the midst of reading books, after a VERY trying weekend (he was so out of control Saturday -- witnessed and recounted by our neighbor -- that my mom couldn't even get him to soccer) he made a comment out of the blue that blew me away. I don't recall what prompted the comment, but in the midst of reading a Dr. Seuss book, he started to pout and say that he was sad that we weren't "going to keep [him] forever."

We explored this conversation for a bit. He told me that his puppy told him that Mommy and Daddy weren't going to keep him. When I asked why puppy would think that, he said, "because it's true."

I asked if he thought that bringing a new baby home meant he wouldn't stay here and he replied that he feared that the new baby was "instead of" him.

Obviously, we didn't stick to our usual bedtime routine at that point and had a very long conversation about what it means to be family; that we'd be together forever; and that Mommy and Daddy needed his help when the new baby came.

I don't know that this has anything to do with adoption but might be fairly typical new-baby-on-the-way stuff, but considering the fact that we think his "psychological organization" (yes, we've been doing lots of reading) has been affected by his frequent changes in caregivers, we're extra sensitive.

I think that I also just knew last night that we'd had our first taste of the self-doubt that we've been warned all adopted kids will go through at some point. I don't know how much soul searching a preschooler is truly doing, but in some ways, it's scarier that he just takes it as a matter of fact that we might consider him disposable.

I held it together while finishing the conversation because I didn't want him to hear anything but enthusiastic reassurances that "our family is forever," but I was a wreck when I left his room.

Thankfully, he's much more himself this morning. I tested the waters by asking him what it means to be a family and he smiled from ear to ear and said, "it means you're going to keep me forever and ever!"

Catching Up

(photo from bjyphotos)

I suppose that someday I will realize that my no-longer-new job means crazy months at the beginning of the year. I've been traveling so much lately that I have a hard time catching up to myself once I'm home again. This last trip was longer than usual, but it was because I went to Kansas City and got to visit family for a few days. It was so fun to hang out with everyone, especially Angie, Tony and the kids. I miss Luca and Joey already!

Other than getting Sam snuggles again, the greatest thing about being home is that I arrived to 80-degree weather! The first day I can skip wearing socks is a banner day in my year. I will probably still find reasons to wear pants just so I can wear my comfy boots a few more times, though. I'll have to bug Kim to go shopping for the flip-flop version of Uggs with me, now that I understand the addiction.

The last night I was in Kansas City, a few of us took our dear friend Kelli out to wish her good luck in her new position with ACS. We had a blast at a Roger Clyne show at the tiniest and perhaps seediest place I've been (voluntarily) in quite a while. As it turns out, there really is an "other side of the tracks" and it's located off Rochester Ave. in Kansas City. If I ever had to wonder what a real live honky tonk looks like, I found it on Wednesday night. We saw the show crushed in with several hundred other die-hard fans, breathed way more secondhand smoke than anyone affiliated with the Society should, and were close enough to touch Mr. Clyne himself. I happily behaved like a groupie for the evening and loved every second of it. Now, if I could just convince my dear husband that a trip to Mexico for Circus Mexicus is the perfect birthday gift...

Sam, thankfully, is feeling much better after a week of fighting a fever. He recovered by Saturday for the most part, only to spike another fever on Monday afternoon. We're waiting for (painfully slow to return) results of a urine culture, since the doctors can't think of what else would cause his fever to come back. It was up over 104 on Monday afternoon!

Rob and I are going to spend the weekend doing one of our favorite volunteer activities: teaching the pre-marriage course at our church. I am wondering, however, how two people who have only been in the same house for four nights in the last three weeks are going to pass muster. I am awfully happy to see him. Maybe we can demonstrate that you can still be super happy to see your spouse after more than seventeen years together!

Still Slacking

I have blogger block. Well, not really. I just know that I'd sound like a whiner if I blogged, so I just decided not to. Sorry if I've bored anyone, but it just doesn't seem like fun to blog about my own little complaints.

I'm headed to Kansas City for a visit tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing my family and I actually think my meetings are going to be productive, but I HATE leaving. I hate it. I absolutely love everything about my job except the leaving town part. I don't mind the travel per se, but if I could have one superpower, it would totally be to be able to be in two places at once.

It's harder than usual to leave this time for two reasons. I'm gone for five nights, which is much longer than I am normally away. We decided that seeing my family was the best excuse for being gone for so long. I really, really wanted to take Sam with me, but since Rob was just out of town himself for the senior class trip we decided that much disruption of Sam's routine was not a good idea.

I've finished my first reading of "Raising Your Spirited Child," and completely agree with the author that you know your kid and his limits, and that you have to abide by them, even if other people try to convince you otherwise. And Sam's limits most certainly involve needing a routine and structure. He enjoys being out of his routine, but it sets his behavior in a tailspin. I think we may be turning a corner with some of the new strategies we've been trying, so messing with it is out of the question right now.

The other reason, the bigger reason, that it's so hard to leave is that my little guy is SICK SICK SICK. Other than a febrile seizure a couple of years ago, I'm not sure I've ever seen him so miserable. He's so sad and whiny and limp. The funny thing is, another mom in the doctor's office today assumed he was there for a well-child visit because he was talking and playing quietly, not moping in my lap. It's all a matter of perspective. For us, a reasonably quiet child is actually a sick child! Thank goodness the doctor says it's just a virus that will pass. As long as his fever stays down, we should be in good shape.

I have a Sam story that's funny that I keep meaning to write down. It happens every day. We've learned that Sam has trouble with transitions, which means he does better when we warn him of what's about to happen as opposed to just, for example, switching off the TV to go to school. If you say, "Sam, in five minutes, we're leaving for school," he miraculously does not throw a tantrum when we go to leave.

However, no matter what amount of time you give him, his always cheerful reply is "five minutes is a lot, Mommy." Sometimes an hour is a lot. Sometimes 30 seconds is a lot. Sam is certainly grateful for every moment he gets, apparently! It's the cutest thing. I really need to remember to use our video camera and capture him saying it.

Seeing as I'm getting up before 4:30 a.m. for the fourth time in seven days, I think I'll head off to bed. Hopefully I'll get a bit of sleep on the plane tomorrow. Keeping up with the cousins takes energy!