So far, so good

I don't have a ton of time to post, but I wanted to document that while I've been fairly steady weight-wise for weeks, the change in what I'm eating seemed to kick things into gear! Yay me... I've lost two pounds in four days. Handmade, organic, whole grain spinach, tomato and garlic fettucine was the highlight of my day today. It's the little things that make me happy.

Day One is easy

I was weirdly thrilled to buy lots of groceries at Whole Foods yesterday... I also picked up super supplements that my mom is convinced could save the world. It had been a while since I'd done much shopping there, and I'm pretty sure the number of vegans in my region must have increased exponentially in that period of time. I was amazed at the vast selection of EVERYTHING for those who don't do food with a face. (I must say, though, that I think WF slaps a vegan label on anything they can... I saw several baked goods that I'm pretty sure have always been vegan, but some genius in marketing saw an opportunity and had a roll of stickers in his/her hand.)

I realize it's only 2:13 p.m., but I'm still happy I've done well. I had yogurt with lowfat granola and berries for breakfast. I'm having carrots, cucumbers and whole wheat pretzels with white bean dip for lunch, along with a bottle of Morroccan Mint Honest Tea. I was ravenous after church when I met up with the boys at a party, but I was easily able to not eat the pizza and cake they were serving.

I'm going to spend the rest of today figuring out if we can convince Rosie to go in a crate when we're gone. She is an absolutely lovely animal, but I'm concerned that her level of neuroticism is going to give us all problems. I don't know how long she cries when I leave, but she's at the window, clawing for her life when I leave and when I return. She's torn curtains and ripped into drywall with her scratching, so I think it's safe to say she's got a bad case of anxiety. I'm going to see if putting her in a crate where she feels safer helps at all.

I just re-read this post. Wow, does my life sound exciting or what?!

A New Beginning

After another round of mismatched symptoms and blood tests, I've decided that I am going need to use my control freak tendencies to my advantage to do more than just diet. I'm convinced that I need a pretty radical change to be healthier overall. For once, I am not going to make weight loss my top priority. That's kind of daunting, but I also think doing so prevents me from making long-term change.

Don't get me wrong. I think Weight Watchers, in particular, is awesome. But I think I'm finally becoming honest enough with myself to know when I take liberties that I shouldn't because it seems like I'm still "on plan" when in reality I'm only hurting myself.

I also know that we have lots of reasons (which are really just more excuses) for not doing what we need to do. We are busy, but so is everyone else. We have a very picky eater living with us, but so do lots of other parents. The truth is that we haven't prioritized our health to the degree we should.

So, while I wait for Rob to return from Costco with lots of our "regular" fresh veggies and fruit, I'm doing some flexitarian/part-time vegetarian/healthy living research and preparing for an exploratory trip to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods while Max naps. The child will go to sleep with Pop Tarts in the house and wake up to more steel cut oats.

Actually, the kids and even Rob are a hurdle in all of this. I had enough of a meltdown this week over feeling miserable that I think Rob's on board, but I'm not sure exactly how we'll tackle incorporating all of this for the kids. I have decided that we can take that as it goes as long as I am always putting out the effort to make the right choices for myself. I'm not deluded enough to think that things like lentil rice pilaf are going to take the place of chicken nuggets for at least one of my children anytime soon.

I'm a control freak

Odd that, while I've known this about myself for years, I don't think I've actually been willing to believe it about myself until this week. There's so much up in the air right now, that I'm finding it hard to focus, hard to sleep, hard to keep my wits about me from moment to moment.

I want to be patient and take things as they come, but things like a baby who is in the throes of a total food throwing phase test every last fiber of my nervous system. Luckily, I find myself able to take a step back *almost* in the moment to realize that said child is doing nothing but practicing motor skills and having fun. He loves me and certainly would NOT be tossing banana at the back of my head were he to know that I was about to crack about deadlines, expected phone calls, schedules for three other human beings, etc.

So... I decided just today that while there's lots I can't control in life, I can control how controlling I am. Poetic, right? Basically I'm trying to promise myself to take a few more deep breaths than I usually do before I start to feel the stress ball in my stomach begin to well up. I'm sure that the stress will still be there, but no one but me is ultimately affected if I let it get to me. So I won't. Or at least I'll try not to. Now... Who's going to volunteer to keep me honest?!